[FANFICTION] STILL (MY BEST FRIEND, MY LOVER) (JxIno, JxSugizo)

Title: Still (My Best Friend, My Lover)
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: PG
Pairing: JxInoran, J x Sugizo
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic
Author notes: this is actually a continuation of my previous fic (half-hearted love). This story is now from J's POV. As usual, review and comments are gladly accepted. Oh, and this contains bad language and yaoi. Do not read if you are against yaoi. Please enjoy.

STORY

I'm such a jerk. I'm such a motherfucker asshole, lowly badass, loveless, inhuman creature, whatever you named it. On top of it, I really am a fuckin' stupid.

Sigh.

I take my cigarette from the pack and a lighter on the nightstand, I burn my cigarette and inhale the smoke for a while, then blow it out again.

Another sigh.

I look to the side. I'm now leaning on the bed, with someone wrapping his arm around my waist.

I put my cigarette on the ashtray and trying to touch the man beside me. Touching his brown hair. Wiping out the strands of hair on his face.

He looks so peaceful in his sleep, as if nothing could disturb him.

And yeah, I feel much much more stupid now. I mean, how come you're not in love to such a lovely creature like him? His soft hair, his sharpeyes, his smile, his laugh, his silly act, his coolness, his words, his musical talent, his fingers dancing on the guitar fretboard, everything about him is loveable. Also he's a loyal friend. He always proud to say that I'm his best friend since junior high.

While me? I always think that I can't be in love with him. I always hurt him. I know that. I have my own reasons why I do that.

I caress his hair once more. Slowly, I come closer and closer to his lovely face. I wonder how he could have such a peaceful expression when he's sleeping next to me while he knows that all I can do to him is hurting him.

Its only an inch away from his lips now. Hmm, will he awake from his peaceful sleep like sleeping beauty if I kiss him? I grin at that thought.

I touch his soft lips with mine. It taste so good, like it already meant to be. I want to feel it more. I want to make him mine.

"Ummmh," he moaned a little and making me pull myself away from him.

What am I thinking?! Stupid Jun Onose!

I drag my cigarette again, trying to calm myself. No, we can't be in love. We are best friends. And never more than that. Never. Maybe he is in love with me but I'm not. I can't be in love with him. No way!

I sit on the side of the bed, turning my back to him, thinking of a way to make him realize that I'm not in love with him, when suddenly I feel someone's finger caressing my back.

"Junjun," he said, tracing his finger on the tattoo in my back, "will you make a tattoo of my name?"

Another stupid idea. "No," I replied briefly,"its really stupid."

"But isn't it good to have my name carved on your body rather than an abstract shape?" he giggled.

"Why don't you do that yourself?"

He laughed, "I don't need to. I already carve your name in my heart. I only need a special tattoo made by you on my body."

"Seems like you're still drunk." I move from thebed, taking his arms with force to the bathroom, push him into the shower and turns the handle so the fresh cold water pours his body.

He is gasping for breath, but I stepped out from the bathroom.

"Jun, why are you so mean?", he protests.

"Because I had enough with your stupid ideas, and if you already finished cooling down, you better go back to your room." I closed the bathroom door.

Yes, I'm mean. I'm an evil. I'm a rude person to him. But I do that because I want him to just forget his feeling for me. I'm not the one for him.

***

The lovely friend now turns out to be slightly annoying.Back then, he tried to gave me a present, said that this is our anniversary. I don't need such thing like that, so I throw it away.

Now, he drinks almost all the alcohol beverages here, and making him completely drunk again.

Sigh. He is really easy to get drunk yet he act like he can hold it.

"Why?" He ask suddenly when we arrived in his room. I have to take him here, otherwise who knows what will happened in that bar.

"What?"

"Why are you still by my side?" He asks again.

Okay, he's really drunk. I open the door to his room and take him inside.

"Why?"

Sigh. "Just take a rest here."

Does he realize that I don't have any other choices? We are in the same band. And no matter what happens, even if we turns out to be enemies, I won't leave this band.

"Answer me," He insists and I shove him to the sofa. But my power maybe too much for a drunk person like him, so he's tripping over and fall down, his head hit the table.

"Jun, why did you do this to me?" He asks again,chasing me. I stepped out from the room and close the door.

For a few seconds, I can only leaning at the wall. Okay, I know that maybe I'm too harsh for him, and I feel guilty now.

"J! What are you doing there?" Sugizo comes.

"Nothing," I replied.

"How about we're doing something fun, somewhere?"Sugizo grins.

Right, just go have fun, Jun. That silly boy must be sleeping now.

"C'mon," Sugizo grabs my hand and take me away from there.

***

I'm. Really. Pissed off. Shit!

How can he be that close to Ryuichi rather than me?! And hesaid many times that he loved me.

Great, now he's already being a fuckin' liar.

I know how Ryuichi shows a sign that he is interested with Ino, but this is really far from what I've been thinking of!

"So you're dating with Ryuichi now?" I can't hold it back no more. I need to get an answer from him.

"Yes, is that a problem?" He replied calmly.

"And you said that you loved me!"

"I do love you." He stares right into my eyes.

"So why?"

"I'm sorry," he came closer to me and kissed me.Then he turned around to greet his new lover, Ryuichi.

Oh shit, that damn vocalist, if he is not our member, I really want to do something to him. Maybe punch him, or lock him to a place where he can't even touch Ino!

"Hey, you had a scary face there, Jun-chan," Sugizo smirk and patted my shoulder.

I didn't respond to him. My eyes keep watching Ino who is now laughing together with Ryuichi.

"Jealous, huh?" Sugizo teasing me.

"What?! No way! Don't talk nonsense like that to me,Sugi-chan!" I grab my cigarette.

"But you look as if you're jealous," Sugizo grins.

"I'm not! Let's just get out from here!" I took Sugizo's hand and walks out from the room.

***

Everything feels so different now. I don't need to listen to Ino's silly thoughts again. He's busy dating with our lovely vocalist.

I know I should be glad that he's not disturbing me again. I really did feel happy because he's not bothering me about those anniversaries,romantic date or anything that usually a couples do. He even changed his room just to be close to Ryuichi and far away from me.

I look at my side. Usually I found Ino sleeping beside me with his peaceful expression, but now Sugizo is the one who's sleeping next to me, and he opens his eyes when I look at him.

"Missing him, right?"

"Nope."

Sugizo laughed. "I heard you calling his name on your sleep, don't bother to deny that," he moved out from the bed.

"Listen, I'm really not in love with him."

"You're a coward," Sugizo said that with a grin.

What?! How could he said that?! "I'm not a coward!"I hissed.

"You should've take him back from Monkichi," Sugizo came closer to me and petted my head.

"For what? I only hurt him. Its better if he stays with Ryu."

Sugizo smiling. "Don't be so tense to him, Jun-chan.Relax and take it easy, okay? I know you loved him. Don't deny it anymore, it just making everything worse." Sugizo kissed my forehead. Then he stepped away from me.

***

Alright. Now, I realized that making an intimate relationship with bandmates is really troublesome. So I need to find someone else outside this band.

I had enough with Sugizo teasing me that I'm in love with Ino. Also I'm the last one left without a couple. Sugizo decided to hook up with a girl, I don't know where he met her but at least my nights with Sugizo by my side is over. Shinya already had his soul mate, and Ino still with Ryuichi. Luckily I met this girl, she's a model, she's pretty and quite nice when we first met. I liked her so I decided to be in a relationship with her. I don't care what Ino's reaction when I told him that I'm having a relationship and dating a girl, also its a prove to Sugi that I'm not in love with Ino. That's what I thought that time. But then I realized that this isn't gonna work anymore.  

I found that our relationship is getting really really boring. I had to admit, Ino is better than her, though he's sometimes makes my mood go down because of his silly ideas. While she is very demanding,complaining about this and that, and always checking me to make sure I'm not going out with other girl. Geez.

And yeah, lately I have been thinking about Ino. About the way he talks, laugh, and telling all that he had in his mind. I really miss talking to him. Now whenever we talk, we always talk about our works, never talks about anything except that.

Oh God, I wish he is the one that here right now, in front of me, not this girl. We are having a dinner, she said its been exactly 4 month since we started this relationship. I don't remember it at all.

My memories suddenly haunting me. Last time, I threw Ino's gift when he said that it was our anniversary. I didn't even had to think twice and not even apologized to him. Now I feel guilty to him. I felt that I need him more than any other people. I've been thinking these days, that my longing for Ino is a prove that I'm in love with him. And my denial to that didn't made that feeling disappear, but it always stays within me and getting stronger whenever I'm apart from him.

Suddenly my cellphone rings, waking me up from my own thoughts.

"Yes, J's here...... WHAT?!" I almost leap out from my chair.

"How......... What happens?" I really panic when I heard the news. Ryuichi is the one that calling me and he gives a bad news. Ino is being hospitalized now. And the explanation from Ryuichi makes me feel really really uneasy. He said that Ino is trying to do suicide, by cutting his wrist.

"Alright, just give me the address, I'll go there now!" I  close my phone and said to my gf. "Sorry, I have to go."

"No, don't go, its our special day," she's trying to persuade me.

"I must go, its very important."

"You can't go! You have to stay here with me, it can wait," she grabs my hand.

"Listen, I don't have time for this...."

"If you still wants to leave me, I'll ended up our relationship." She tried to intimidate me.

"Fine! Let's ended it!" I release her hand.

"What? Jun-chan!"

"Just find another man, okay?" I quickly walk away from that place and rushing to the hospital.

***

I met Sugizo and Shinya in the hospital, and they take me to Ino's room. I get in and meet Ryuichi inside.

"You came," Ryuichi looks relieved.

"What happens?" I take a look at Ino. He's sleeping now. A bandage wrapped up his left wrist.

"As I told you earlier...."

"Why can't you protect him? You should at least stopped him from doing that!" I almost yelled to Ryuichi.

"I'm sorry, I was busy with my works and when I came back he already....." Ryuichi's words are cut off by the voice that I always wanted to hear these days.

"Jun?" Ino is awake now, maybe because he hears my voice.

"You stupid motherfucker!" I come to Ino."Why did you do this, stupid?! You want to die, huh?"

"I... Never thought you're gonna come here.." He looks confused.

"Do you think that dying is your only solution? Silly Inoue Kiyonobu. Do you even think about what's gonna happen with our band if you die? What about your brothers? Your families? Your friends? Your fans? Do you even imagine what's gonna happen with me if you're gone?!" I keep on nagging him.

"I'm sorry.. I..."

Without even thinking, I hug him tightly. "You make me really worried."

He sighed, "let me go," he mutters.

"No, I won't."

"Jun, please, let me go," he said again, trying to free himself from my embrace.

"I said no," I insists my words. "I won't let you go again." I failed to realized that Ryuichi is still with us in thatroom. I just noticed it when finally he said something.

"I think I'm gonna leave both of you here for a while," Ryuichi walks to the door.

"Ryu-chan...," Ino calls him.

"I have something to do, Ino-chan," then Ryuichi leaves us.

I finally release him from my embrace. He doesn't want to look at me. He only gazing at the hospital blanket in front of him.

"What makes you come to see me?" He said with a cold voice.

"Ino, I'm worried about you. Ryu calls me and told me that you tried to kill yourself, of course I will come here!" I explain.

"If I didn't do this, will you still come?" He stares at me, his eyes full of sadness.

"I will," now I really feel guilty. I wish I could be more understanding to him before so he wouldn't have to feel this sadness. I tried to touch his hand but he moved his hand away from me.

"Why you have to do this? Why did you want to kill yourself?"I ask gently.

His eyes now gazing at the window. "I remembered, I was alone, drinking anything I could have in my house then I fell from the sofa. My hand hit the table hardly and I accidentally broke a glass," he sighed."I was kinda depressed. I thought I'm gonna be happy when you leave me.But I'm not," his voice start to tremble, "I had enough with this one-sided love, Jun! That's why, when I think about that...."

"You don't have to do that, you know! Its not the way to end this."

"I have to! I can't.....," his voice suddenly lower, "I can't stop thinking about you, even when I'm with Ryu-chan...."

"Ino.."

"I thought you wouldn't even care if I live or die."

"Don't say that! I don't want you to die!" I tried to convince him.

"I used the shards of glass to do it, I thought it was easy," he smiled sadly, "but its not."

I put my hand in his shoulder, "listen, don't try to do this again. You are my very best friend, I don't want to lose you."

"Jun, please... Leave me alone....", he tried to move my hand away from his shoulder.

"I love you, Ino," I finally say that words and it make him stopped. He looks surprised.

"I'm sorry I was mean to you. Sugi was right, I'm a coward. I'm just thinking about myself and afraid of getting hurt." I explains all my feelings to him. "I really scared that if I loved you that much, I'll be hurt badly if someday you decided to leave me. I'm not even sure that I am worth your love. But these times, I realized that I can't stop thinking about you, and I should admit that I need you in my life."

Ino just stunned there, looking at me as if he never expects that before. "Junjun...."

"I mean it, I love you, Inoran," I touch his face gently. This time he doesn't push me away, so I kiss his lips with the same gentleness. "I'm really sorry..."

***

Few days after that, Ino finally get out from the hospital, he's busy with the rehearsal for his solo works, though the doctor said that his wrist is still not fully recover. Apparently the injured that he get from hitting the table is worse than he expected. The bandage still wrapped his left wrist and sometimes he have to stop playing his guitar and waggle his left hand to reduce the pain. Sugizo said that he also takes a painkiller, so he could continue doing his works despite the pain that he felt in his left wrist.

Today I decided to give him a little surprise. He's beenbusy doing his works for a week and we rarely meet each other. So its the best time I ever had since I'm free and he said he just finished his work.

I stopped my motorcycle in front of his studio, just in time when he's out from his studio. He looks a little bit tired, but his eyes are full of joy when he see me. "Junjun!"

"Come on, I'll give you a ride," I said.

"Where to?" He smiles teasingly.

"Anywhere," I replied.

He laughed a little. "You're lucky, I was just thinking that I don't want to go home early after this work."

I grins.

Sometimes I wonder why I can understand him even without him saying the words. Maybe somehow our minds are connected without we even realized it.

***

I feel Ino hugging me tightly from behind when we're riding on my motorcycle. He's now being the Ino I used to know.

He put his arms around my waist, and sometimes his hand going lower as if he's trying to seduce me.

"Hey, Junjun, would you like to write something on mybandage?" He suddenly asked.

"That's ridiculous. Its just a bandage, Ino, you have to change it everyday."

"Meanie," he pouted. "Or at least, please say it again."

"Say what?"

"That you love me." He grins.

"No."

He lower his hands again.

"Stop that," I stopped my motorcycle.

He smiles wickedly, "why?"

"Do you really want it?"

"No, I just want to tease you," he laughed.

Yeah, right. The naughty kid Ino is in action now.

"I love you." I said that before I continue our ride.

Ino smiles and began to put his head closer to me. "Is this mean I will have a chance to get a tattoo of my name on your body?"

"No way!" I smiled.

###
(END)