[FANFIC: MASK] JxINORAN (Part 2)

Title: Mask
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance
Rating: M
Pairing: J x INORAN
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic. They are real people and this is pure fiction.

Author Notes: Contains yaoi (male x male) scene. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AGAINST YAOI. Review will be gladly accepted.

About the story: The continuation of my previous INORAN's POV fic titled 'MASK', if you haven't read it, you can read it here ----> part 1

BGM: Mask by Stellar (the italic words are part from the lyric of the song)

Summary: Inoran had a hard time to forget about his love to J, now that J is married, but he unconsciously remembering J every time and even came to J's live. And then J asked him to go out together with him again. Will he still keeping a distance from J or...........

THE STORY

You can't let me go

I can't let you go

After a busy schedule of my solo tour, I can finally take a break. There's still enough time to rest before I start the rehearsal with LUNA SEA again. Ever since Jun said that he missed me that time, I didn't have the guts to call him except for work.

I know I shouldn't be that hard to myself, but I think it's the best way. Otherwise I will always wants him. I will always wants to be by his side. Also my envy level to his wife will be higher than before. That woman already slept, wake up and having sex with him, if I think about that, I really want to be in her position right now.

Sigh. Now my jealousy rise up more than when we were still in relationship. Maybe I should be the one who marry him. Then my mind will be at ease.

I blew out the smoke from my mouth and pour another shot of whisky to the glass.

Fuck this! Why is this feeling comes back again? Didn't I already decided to move on and let him go? Why is it so hard to erase this feeling?

After a few more drinks, I decided to visit Sugizo. Luckily, he's in the house tonight. My head is so dizzy, I feel like I want to puke, but I managed to get to his house safely and even Sugi amazes by that.

"Just got back from a party, huh?" He said after I get out from his bathroom. Yes, I finally puke in his bathroom. Though my dizziness is still the same as before.

"Nope." I replies. He helps me to sit in his couch. "I just want to forget about something."

Now suddenly I want to cry.

Sugi sits beside me and put his hand on my shoulder. "You know, that this won't help you, right?"

I nod. I relax my head on his shoulder. I feel very lucky that I have Sugi as someone who I can consider as my big brother. I close my eyes for a while.

Once my hangover is gone, we've talk about several things, ranging from music to personal problems.

Did I look easy?

Did I look pathetic?

Was it wrong that I loved you?

That talk session with Sugi really means a lot to me because this time I feel more confident to face Jun in our rehearsal. I don't want to cry again. I will try to forget all of my feelings and I finally start dating a girl that I met in my favorite bar.

However, unexpected things always happened in this life.

We had this new project to create a new song that different than the songs we used to made. Now we are stuck in the studio, discussing about this new song. It's a normal thing, except the fact that Jun seems more unexcited this time. At first, I tried to ignore it, but then I can't help but feeling curious about why he looks like that.

We take a break for a while and I take that chance to smoke. I'm trying to calm myself when suddenly I see him walk to the toilet.

I wonder what happens to him, so I decided to follow him.

I take a few minutes to calm myself before finally steps in. A man just walks outside once I get in. He is washing his hands. He raises his head once he sees me.

"Hi...." I stares at him and standing near to him. There's no one else except us now. So I think now is the best time to ask about his problem.

"Well...... What's the matter with you?"

He stares at me from the mirror in front of him. Then answers, "nothing."

"Really? Because you look different today."

He turns his gaze away, "I just had a bad day."

"Then don't let it get to you. Cheer up, man!" I put my hand on his shoulder, at least that's the thing that I can do for him now, "we still have to finish this great song, I'm sure it will comes up as our masterpiece. I mean, it's the first time we create something like this....." I can't continue my words anymore because suddenly I'm on his warm embrace.

"Jun........"

"I miss you. I really miss you, you know." He said, almost whispering to my ear.

"Let me go." I tries to let myself go, despite the longing to be in his arms again, but he tighten his hug.

"No, I won't."

"Jun, please...." Though I keep telling him to let me go, my body just won't react the same. Very stupid.

He finally loosen his embrace and moves his hand, but only to caress my face, while his left hand still holding my waist. He tilted forward  and kiss my lips.

Okay, now this is so dangerous. He knows my weakness already. And he uses that now. He softly nibbles my lips, pushing his tongue inside my mouth while his hand teasing me by touching every part of my body.

I should've stopped him. I should've just push him away. But I can't because deep down inside, I know I want this too. I want him so bad. That's why, when we finally break free, I wraps my arms around his neck, wanting him to kiss me again.

"So, are you feeling better now?" I ask after another passionate kiss between us.

"Not yet," he grins. "I want you to do something." He whispers in my ear.

"We still have to go back to the studio after this..." I reminds him when he suddenly hugs me so tight that I can feel his hard-on. That actually amazes me, how he could easily getting hard just because of my touch and my kiss. Does he really wants me that much too?

"Let's make this quick before someone comes, ok?" He whispers and intentionally licks my earlobe, down to my neck.

I know what I must do. I know exactly what he wants. I pushes him to one of the empty cubicle and close the door. I kiss him wildly and my hands moves to his pants, trying to unzipping it.

This time, I really doesn't care about anything, except him. I kiss his neck, though I have to be very careful so I don't leave any kiss mark on his neck or shoulder.

I push his pants down and start to stroke his erection with my hand. He begin to moan against my touch. I smiles for a while, it's been so long since I hear his moan like this. For a moment, I just rub his erection gently while our tongue messed in a sensual way.

Jun moves back so I can have a space to kneel down in front of him and takes his erection into my mouth. He's moaning louder and calling out my name as I tease him by licking his balls. His hand start to ruffles my hair as I move my head back and forth, licking, sucking and sometimes nibbles his erection.

We both are drowning in our desire until finally he came hard and I need a few time to swallow it at first. He smiles at me and wipe out the white liquid that falling out from my mouth.

I stares at his eyes and can't help but smiles too. He helps me to stand up, just to slip his hand to my pants. He rubs my hard-on gently and finally releasing my pants.

"Jun....... We must go back to the studio...." I speak between my moan. His hand is still doing its magic on my erection.

"You really like it, right?" He whispers in my ear and kissing my earlobe as he strokes and pumps my erection faster.

I can't do anything except putting my hands on his shoulder and closes my eyes. I feel like I'm gonna come soon.

"Jun....." Along with that, I finally came and coated his hand with my sperm. I open my eyes and seeing him smiles with satisfaction.  But then I hear someone comes to this toilet. Moreover, it's Sugizo! I don't want him to see us like this!

Jun told me to calm down and he lifts up my legs. I wraps my legs around his waist while he's trying to balance himself by holding on to the wall. While I wrap my arms around his neck tightly that I'm afraid I might unintentionally strangled him.

"Where the hell did that twinbee go?" I hear Sugizo talks.

"Ino's out for a smoke, I don't know about J," now it's Shinya's voice.

"They're really late. We should've start making our song fifteen minutes ago! Geez, I hope Ino isn't sleeping somewhere!" I can tell that Sugi is slightly pissed with us.

Shinya laugh. "Well, let's just wait a few more minutes. J might have something important to do. He doesn't looks good today."

"Yeah, maybe he has a problem.... You know, woman....."

"I know."

The position is quite awkward for me now, as I can still feel his erection near my butt, but I have to keep quiet, otherwise they will notice us.

"I hope they'll be back soon. So we can start our practice again," I can hear the sound of someone washing his hand. "At times like this, I had a thought that they're having sex."

Shinya laugh. "No way. Ino already had his gf, right?"

"Yeah." Sugi also laugh, then we can hear their footsteps away from the toilet. 

Jun slowly puts my feet back on the ground.

"As always, Sugi is a great guesser." Jun grins as he puts back his pants and underwear.

"You just can't fool him," I replies.

He laughed for a while. "I'll go first," he kiss me on the forehead and steps out. While I'm still standing, grabbing the tissue to clean myself then steps out from there. He already left after washing his hand one more time. And I'm standing here, in front of the mirror, looking at myself. There's a guilt feeling that I felt toward his wife and my gf. We are cheating on them. But what can I do? I realized that I just can't let him go.

At least there are no regret

That was how desperate I was

My recording's done. It's time to go back home and take a rest. Recently, I've been very good at hiding my real feeling, in public, in front of my gf, and in front of my friends. Even Sugizo only knows that I can finally let him go and accept that we can only be friends. None of them know about what happened in the toilet back then and I also didn't change my attitude toward Jun. I'm smart enough to hide that secret without being told by Jun. Though inside, I can't help but wanted something like that happened again.

I was already on the car when I received a text message on my phone. It's from Jun. He invites me to have a drink with him. I just stares at my phone for a while, thinking about how to deal with this situation. On one side, I really want to go out with him, hoping that there will be another chance for us to be together. But on the other side, I already have an appointment with my gf, I promise to take her to a nice restaurant and have dinner.

Another message arrived. He told me to meet him on the bar.

I must make my decision soon. Him or my gf? The promise to someone close to me or the temptation to be with someone I loved more than anyone and anything in this world?

I let out a sigh and decided to go to that place.

As soon as I get there, I'm really surprised. Because I thought that it's only the two of us. He didn't mention about some people that's also drinking with us. Moreover, they're our school friends.

I smiles and come over to them. It's been a long time since we have time like this and meet our high school friends. At this time I can be like the way I used to be before, the Kiyonobu Inoue that they used to know. We talk and drink a lot. Even Jun can't restrain himself to drink. I could say we had a blast. It's always so much fun to meet up with your old friends, right?

The only thing that matters is I get drunk. My head is dizzy and I can't remember what I said to them that makes Jun takes my hand then walk outside. Maybe I talk about bad things or our secrets when we were in school. I don't know. Everything seems to be spinning around in my head. Memories and realities become blurred. All I can remember is Jun told me to go with him.

The moment when I can finally get a hold of myself and open my eyes, I'm on the bed. Not my bed though. It's not even my house. But soon I know where I am as I see Jun beside me.

"Already wake up?" He asks.

"Yeah, my head dizzy," I answer, staring right at his eyes. "Sorry I ruined it."

"It's alright." His hand starts to caress my hair. Then he starts to kiss me, "at least we could be together."

"But your wife?"

"She's not here, don't worry about that." His kisses now moving down to my neck.

Actually I have several questions in my head. I wonder what is it that makes Jun finally comes back to me. Why he do this? What happens in his life? But I keep that inside. I realized now that even though it's too late, at least, I can have him, maybe just for this time and then I have to share him with his wife.

In the mask that was made how you wanted it

I'm not there

It's just a lie

I have to put my smile mask again now. I had to attend another party, with the socialites and other party-goers.

If someone take a look at myself in the past, none of them would think that I will ended up here, being one of the rich guys who loves to spend his night with partying. I was always be the one who likes to be alone, without the will to show myself up to everyone. I got scared being with the crowds.

Actually, that part from the past still exist inside of me. I have a fear that I will lose myself among these crowds. I'm afraid that I can't separate between my mask and my real self. Luckily, I still have Jun by my side. He's the only one that can make me reveal my true self. He's the one who can keep me sane in this insane world.

I gulp down my tequila. My gf is sitting beside me, talking about some branded stuff that she bought to her friends and like you can guess, they all the rich girls who can afford anything they wants.

She bought me those luxurious things too and made me climb up my social rank, from just the unseen member of a legendary band into one of the socialites. She talks happily about our relationship, repeatedly clinging to my arms, smiles cheerfully and showing to all her friends that we are a perfect couple.

I wrap my arms on her shoulder, talking and laughing with them. What she doesn't know is that I'm not there with them. This is not my real self.

She doesn't even know me. She doesn't see the real me. Because I only show my true self to him. Only him.

Maybe someone would think that I'm stupid to do something like this. I should've dumped her and be with Jun. But everything is not as easy as it seems.

My mind is still full of doubt. If I left her, would he do the same for me? Or will he stay with his wife?

Nevertheless, I'm still here, beside her and pretend that I love her.

I'm afraid I'll get caught

I'm afraid you will leave

I open my eyes and smiles when he kiss my forehead then kissing my lips. I can see the sun light through the thick curtain. So, it's morning already.

I yawn. At times like this I feel so lazy to move out from the bed, but I have to, because his wife might come back here soon.

"I'm gonna take a shower first," I said, moving out from the bed and go inside the bathroom.

So we've finally like this, a cheater couple. I don't know how long can we stay like this. Maybe until we're tired of hiding our love or when we're getting bored with each other.

As I finished my bath and dress up, he already done with cleaning up the room. Now there's no sign of us having a great night here.

Then I hear someone comes. It must be his wife. And my guess is right. She steps in when Jun and I walks to the living room.

"Hi dear," Jun greets her with a smile.

"Hi honey," she kiss Jun. "Ah, Inoran-san," then she finally notices me. I just fake my smile and greets her back.

"Ino and I are making a new song last night," Jun explains.

"Sorry to trouble you." I bow my head to respect her, though my inner self really wants to take her hand off from my Jun. "It's done now, so I want to take some rest."  

"Oh, thanks for coming, Inoran-san," she said. I can only reply her with a smile.

"I'm leaving," I said, still with my fake smile. Jun follows me until the front door.

Everything is normal, we parted like a good old friend, when suddenly his wife asks from the bedroom area, "hunny, whose cigarette is this?"

Both of us look at her, and then I notice that it's mine! I forgot that I put my cigarette on his bedroom!

"Oh, that's mine. I'm sorry," I hurrily comes back to his bedroom to grab the cigarette, hoping that it will not make her suspicious with me. But then, I found out something that Jun missed out when he was cleaning this room. A pack of used condom, near the nightstand! With her behind me, I must try to find a way to distract her attention. So I accidentally drop my phone and quickly grab the condom and put it on my pocket when she grab my phone.

"You drop your phone, Inoran-san," she gives the phone back to me.

"Ah...Thanks. I must go now," I act like nothing happens before. And when I finally met Jun again, I take him near me and speak slowly, "you missed something there, I hope she won't notice it before me."

"Don't worry, I'll handle it," he replies.

I leave him to get into my car and leave his house.

Though I'm really afraid about us getting caught cheating, but the fear of getting caught is what makes our relationship more interesting and fun.

My phone suddenly ringing, from its tone I can recognize that it's a text message.

From J. I thought that he will say I love you but the message is 'let's do it again someday.'

I let out a sigh, I should've know that he's not that romantic. I text a reply for him, 'ok, up to u.' and smiles.     

#OWARI#

[FANFIC: MASK] JxINORAN (Part 1)

Title: Mask
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance
Rating: M
Pairing: J x INORAN
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic. They are real people and this is pure fiction.

Author Notes: Contains yaoi (male x male) scene. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AGAINST YAOI. Review will be gladly accepted.

About the story: The continuation of my previous INORAN's POV fic, if you haven't read it, you can read it here ----> the previous story 

so very sorry again for the late update, been busy with some things, and i'm really sorry if there's any mistake. I really hope you would like this story, and please enjoy.

BGM: Mask by Stellar (the italic words are part from the lyric of the song)

Summary: Even though it's hard to accept that someone that he loves marrying someone else, but Inoran must accept that fact, though deep down inside he's still hurt by that fact. He hide everything that he felt behind his 'mask', but could he still be wearing that 'mask' in front of J?

THE STORY

I'm being fake in front of you

I'm a fake who pretends to be strong, you know?

As expected, our reunion is a blast. As expected from a legendary band like us.

I stand on my position again, beside a certain bassists who is also our band leader. It's hard already to face him. But I had to put a mask and pretend that it was okay. The mask I called 'INORAN the rhythm guitarist of LUNA SEA'.

When I put that mask, there's no more Kiyonobu Inoue. No more love between us. There's only two musician, together with our guitarist, drummer and vocalist, creating music, playing music for our fans.

In our rehearsal, on the stage, backstage and our after-party, I start to make a distance with him. I only reply him if he ask me, otherwise, I'd rather not talking about anything to him.

I remember, there's a moment when we were smiling on the stage. But it's just a fake.

I know, it's all just a fake. I'm just being fake in front of him. I'm just pretend to be strong and not affected by his new status as a married man.

But deep inside, it still hurts me like being stabbed by a knife. I can't even forget it. I don't know if I can love someone like the way I love him. Maybe I can't do that.

When his wife came in our after party, I put a smile mask on my face, acting like a good friend of him. Pretending that finally I can let Jun go.

It's not real. Nothing is real.

I stares at the drops of rain on my window. My cheeks wet again.

I'm weak in front of you,

a weak person whose heart has been stolen, you know?

Somehow I wish we never have to do this reunion. Sometimes I just feel so tired to act like I don't even care about Jun's new status.

Today, I sit in our meeting place, watching some footage of our live, and I just realized how I could easily changed my personality when I'm on the stage.

I should've win some awards for acting like that, ha ha ha.

But that laugh disappear as I saw Jun secretly stared at me several times when I'm not aware of him. He never stared back at me if I look at him and we only talk for a while before, but on stage, he always watched me.

Wait! No! It's just coincidence! It must be just a coincidence! It's normal if he stared at me because I'm always right beside him. It's just because of my standing position. There's no need to feel different about that. And yeah, during SHINE, we don't share the mic together again. It's obvious. We are no longer a couple like the way we were before.

"It's quite good, right?" Suddenly he talks and taking a seat beside me. He's only wearing his sleeveless top, so everyone can see his well-built body. I can't take my eyes from his muscular arms, and my mind brings back memories from those sweet times when he used to take me to the bed, hugs me with those arms, the moment when we have sex....

Okay, stop! I have to concentrate with this video.

"Yeah, I'm really glad we could do this one more time," I said, trying to focus on the video and ignoring the temptation to stare at Jun's body.

"Ino.......," I can feel that he's staring at me from head to toe. "About what happened on my wedding...."

"Oh.... That time I had to finished several works so it's just because lack of sleep." Another lie. That lack of sleep was caused by you, actually. Because I cried over and over every time I came back to my house, remembering all those times we spent together.

"Well...... I'm really sorry. And I didn't mean to hurt your foot," he said.

"It's okay," I replies, still staring at our live video in front of me.

Another awkward silence. We used to talk about everything before. But it's not the same anymore.

The screen shows the part when we performed 'Breathe'. The song that I dedicated for him. Every time I remembered about that, I want to cry. Damn, I'm too sensitive with this.

I stand up, making excuses to him that I want to get a drink. The memories when both of us composed that song, played the bass and guitar to get the perfect rhythm for that lovely song is haunting me now.

On the stage, I can easily hide my feeling in the name of professionalism, but here, especially when he's beside me, it's really a hard job.

He suddenly stands up, approaching me from behind. "Ino...."

"Do you want something too? A coffee?" I asks. But then I can feel his right hand holding me from behind and his voice next to my ear.

"I'm really sorry," he said, almost whispering.

God, I wish it doesn't have to be this hard for me to let him go. I wish I could erase him from my mind.

"I told you that it was okay," I touches his hand with my own hand, intending to release myself, but instead I just hold his hand.

My body shivers a little as I could feel his breath next to me, the soft touch from his face on my shoulder.

But the situation now is not the same as before. I release myself as I heard footsteps coming to this room. He didn't say anything, neither do I.

All I could hear now is just Ryuichi's singing voice that reminds me about my feeling, the feeling that already existed ever since I made this song until now.

'Zutto~

zutto~

aishiteru, kimi ni'

I walk fast, getting myself out from the room, and sigh.

Loving you was my first sin

Hoping you'll look at me was my second sin

We have a plan to comeback, now that we feel it's finally the right time to revive LUNA SEA. Yeah, everything will be back as normal again. Spending our time in the studio to create a new song. Sharing our lyrics and composing the rhythm again.

As usual, I'm happy with my position in the rehearsal place. This way I still can concentrate when Sugi is having an argument with Shinya, Ryu or Jun. Like what happens now. Sugi is talking with Shinya about our new song.

I just sit with my guitar, trying to pick a new rhythm. I'm still busy with my little world when I heard someone call my name. It's Jun. But his eyes not looking straight at me. Seems like I have to help them with my ideas.

When the rehearsal is over, I just realized that the weather is getting colder and I don't bring a scarf or a thick coat. Of course, I can drive home safely, but the distance from the studio to the parking lot is quite far.

As I steps to the main entrance door, I see someone still standing there. Even though that person is standing with his back against me, I know who he is. In fact, I remember his tall figure and everything about him, maybe more than he even know.

I continue my steps, putting my best fake expression to face him.

"Why are you still here?" I asks.

"Oh, I just finished calling my wife," he answers.

I already become an expert of maintaining my flat expression or faking my smile every time he talked about his wife.

After a few awkward conversation between us, I walk to the parking lot, leaving him behind. My hands starts to feel cold.

He only standing there, staring at me. Usually, he will gives me something to warm me up in this kind of weather. But no. It's already over. From now on, I already put in my mind that he will only do that to his wife.

I have to fight against this cold alone. Yeah, cold. Like the way I act against him now. Cold like my feeling now, after being hurt so many times by him. But why am I still expecting him to look at me or just say that he still care for me?

Sigh. I really am a stupid person. Probably the most stupid person in the world. I should've known better that his new status means it's the end for us. There's no use to think about this relationship anymore. It's over.

Not being good enough for you is a sin I committed against you

'The reason for a break up is mostly because your partner might feel that you're not being good enough for him/her.'

I read that thing on my way to another hotel where we would stay for the night. I'm back on my own tour schedule, after Tourbillon is in indefinite hiatus, because Ryuichi is also busy with his solo project.

It's been a long time since I met Jun. As usual, we met only in our rehearsal place and in our after-party, other than that he's busy taking care of his career and his wife. Of course. They must be on their way to get their child, like Shinya, Sugi and Ryu.

A child.

It's something that I can't give to Jun.

I could give him anything he wants. I could give him my body, my love, my life, everything. But I couldn't give him a new family.

Oh shit, why am I so melancholic today? I should change my mood now. I already made a promise to myself that I must go on, living my life as usual, and stop thinking about Jun. Just stop.

That would be easier if I didn't accidentally see the first greeting flowers that arrived in the place where I held my live.

It's from J. A sweet bouquet of lilies.

"Mr. Inoran, there's a message for you."

I received it and opens the small letter. 

'How are you now? Don't be so tense and just enjoy yourself. You must burn up the stage tonight!  

Good luck! From J'

I smiles. I thought he'll gonna say something more private in this letter.

Sigh. That part of me who's still wanting him to come back with me will never change.  

I'm saved by the fact that LUNA SEA is being revived again, so I have a valid reason to see him next to me again, otherwise who knows what's gonna happened with me. Maybe I already jump off or cut my wrist, or doing something stupid.

Now I really wonder what will happened if Sugi didn't stopped me that time. Will he canceled his marriage? Will he followed me and meet me in heaven? Or maybe he just don't care and continue his happy life with his wife?

I still hold Jun's letter as I arrived in the dressing room. Suddenly, my mind rewind the moments when I blame myself over and over again after I heard that Jun is getting married.

Alright, I have to stop thinking about that. My show will start in a few hours. I must prepare myself. But there's something that bothers my mind now. How did he know I'm going to hold a live in this city? Lately he doesn't seem to care about my schedule and as far as I can remember, he  never asked about it too. I put his letter on the desk and just realized that there's another small note inserted on the letter.

It's the schedule of his own live. I checks it and notice that he will also held his live in this city tomorrow. He's probably arrived in this city now.

I wonder now what's on his mind by sending me this. His live will be held on a differet venue but still not far from here. Did he wants me to visits him? For what?

I hold that small notes tightly in my hand. I want to believe that we still have another chance for our relationship. But he's already married now. I'm gonna be blamed as a marriage destroyer if someone found out about this.

I take a look at myself in the mirror. Jun already breaks my heart, made me feel like I want to kill myself. Am I already good enough for him? Good enough to accept his love once again? Or am I just being too naïve and didn't want to accept the reality in front of me?

"Inoran-san, it's time to do the checksound," the staff calls and bring me back to what I must do today. I take a deep sigh and follow the staff to the stage.

Not being able to go on without you is a sin I committed

If only you come to me, I can do anything

I told myself repeatedly to stay away from him. To just accept that we can only be friends right now.

Apparently, I'm out of my mind now. I stares at him who is now singing and playing his bass on stage. Looking so hot, like usual. He has the charm that makes people can't take their eyes away from him. He's born with it, ever since we're in school until now.

I still stand, staring at him, surrounded by the crowd of his fans. Some of it must be already notice me by now. But right now, I'm only focused my sight to him. When suddenly, he stares directly to the crowds where I stand. I feels like our eyes met for a while.

Maybe it's just coincidence. There's a lot of people here. And I'm being surrounded by other fans. I already position myself in the middle so he won't notice me.

But after that, he several times stares at the crowds where I stand, on the right side of the stage. Then, he takes a break for a while, and comes back with an acoustic guitar on stage. He once again stares at my side and smile before starting to play the guitar on stage.

Actually, this reminds me of our old school days, where I spent my time learnt to play guitar with him and the times where we sat for hours listening to the bands on my collection lists. Sometimes he scold me if I played it on the wrong tune and I teased him by calling him 'sensei'. I once even teased him by saying that he's like a mother to me.

Ah, how I miss those days when he's still taking care of me. Now everything seems so far away. And it won't come back like that ever again. Even if I said that I love him a hundred times, it won't change anything.

Then I just realize one thing. It's not because the fact about he broke my heart that made me felt like I want to do a suicide, it's the fact that I just can't go on without him that hurts me so much.

Yeah, I just can't think of how my life would be if I can't meet him again. What would my life be if I can't have him for myself. I'm just too addicted to him.

It can't be helped, right? I bet his wife won't let him go too. She won't be that stupid enough to let go someone as hot as him.

Oh God, why is this feeling so complicated? Or is it just me who's over-thinking about it?

I don't know how many times have passed now, when suddenly something hits my forehead. It's a mineral bottle, thrown by someone, apparently it's coming from the stage.  That makes some fans turn their gaze and notice me. I can hear some girls shout my name. Good, now everyone knows I'm here.

I glares at the stage, it must be because of him. Who else gonna throw that fuckin thing to the audience except him?! And yeah, he just grins at me. Haha, very funny, Jun. I should pay this back to you someday.

Later that night, I decided to get back to my hotel and preparing my stuff, as I will leave tomorrow and continue my tour. I repeatedly stares at my phone, hoping that maybe he will call me after he saw me on his live. I went out before he get the chance to invite me to his after-party and now I kinda regret it.

I wait patiently, just sitting here in my room, smoking, and stares at my phone like an idiot.

Time is ticking, but there's no call at all. Until finally I fell asleep, tired after all my activities, tired of waiting for his call. Then when I wake up in the morning, my neck stiff because I slept in a wrong position on the sofa, I check my phone and notice several missed calls arrived on my phone. A missed call from my brother, a missed call from my manager and a missed call from him.

I unconsciously smiles. Then trying to call him back. When he finally answer, my heart beats faster. Seems like he just wake up, I can recognize it from his lazy tone.

"Did I bother you?" I asks.

"No."

"Sorry, I was asleep last night. Is there something that you want to ask me........"

"Oh... I just call to say thanks for coming to my live. I thought you wouldn't come."

"Who said that I came to your live? Maybe you just saw someone who looks like me."

He laugh. And I really miss to hear his laughter like that. It makes me feels so intimate with him again.

"At least I know I didn't hit the wrong guy when I throw my bottle." He said.

Damn, now I don't have any more excuses!

"I.. I just happened to walk by, and I decided to watch your live for a while before I move out from here. Don't get it wrong, okay? It's merely coincidence."

He's still laughing. "You know, I can still remember your expression when I hit you..."

"Stop it, Junjun!" I pout, even though he can't see me right now.

"It's been a long time since you call me like that," he said.

Ah, right. I just notice that. Ever since I decided to not interfere with his own life, I stopped calling him Junjun again. And now here comes another awkward silence. I don't know what to say to him.

"Ino...."

"Yes?"

For a seconds, I can only hear his breath. Then he finally continues his words, "I really want to see you now."

That word is enough to makes me lose my words. I'm about to reply him when one of my staff reminds me that we should check-out soon.

"Can we go out together again?"

For me it sounds like a date. I would like to say yes, but I need time to think about it, "I have to go now, bye." And the call ends.

(continue to part 2)

Notes: since i made this fic too long and blogspot won't allow a too long post, i decided to split it into two part. please continue to PART 2