Title: Half-hearted Love
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: PG
Pairing: JxInoran, RyuichixInoran
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: PG
Pairing: JxInoran, RyuichixInoran
BGM: Setengah Hati - Ada Band
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic
Author notes: the first time I made J as the bad guy. Don't get me wrong, I loved J, but sometimes I want to make him a bad guy (^^) and the first time I write RyuxIno. please enjoy.
STORY
I just stay silent. Its not the first time he did that. There's no tears that came out from my eyes. Its not that I can't cry, I just choose to not cry. After all, its not like me to cry for him.
I can just watched him in silence as he walks out from the room.
Again it happened. I waited for him on the backstage after our show, just to give him a small gift, its our anniversary. I know that he won't remember about it, but I just want to make a surprise for him. Then it turned out to be worse. He's not even have to think twice to throw my gift away and left me here.
"Ino," someone put his hand in my shoulder, trying to comfort me. "Are you okay?"
"I'm okay," I tried to smile. Luckily, I'm the type of person who's good at controlling my own expression.
Ryuichi look at me with worried. "You can always cry if you want to."
"No," I keep on smiling. "Its okay," I left Ryuichi and go outside to have a smoke. I sat on the bench. I light my cigarette and blowed out the smoke, along with a sigh.
Though I felt hurt, I can just smile. Smiling for my stupidity. Yeah, I felt stupid, like I'm an idiot or something. I should've known from the start, that its not good to have a high expectation about this relationship between him and me. Its obvious that this is just a one-sided love. Its obvious that he doesn't care about me, since that day he left me waiting him for a long time. He stay by my side just because we've been friends since we're in school.
I let out another sigh. I should've stopped this game of love between us.
"Do you still want to stay beside him?", Ryuichi asked. He follows me and sit beside me.
I can't answer him. I know how hurt it is to be on this kind of relationship, to know that someone you love more than anything is actually don't love you as much as you do.
"You should've stop, Ino. Don't hurt yourself," Ryuichi still worried about me.
"I know," I replied. "I just wish that someday he will realize that I trully loved him."
"Ino," Ryuichi suddenly hug me tightly. "Stop that. Stop expecting him. He's not the one for you."
If only I could do that. If only I could just step aside and let him go like Ryu told me to do. But I can't. I don't have that guts.
"I'll talk to him that he should just let you go," Ryuichi let go of me.
"No. Its not his fault," I grabbed Ryuichi's hand just in time before he left me.
"But...."
"It's because my own stupidity. I should learn to be more considerate to Jun," I tried to smile, but Ryuichi is staring at me with a sad look.
"I really want to help you. I don't want you to feel like this again, Ino."
"We'll settle this soon, I promise," I said.
"Are you sure?"
I nod. I hope I have that courage.
***
I'm smiling to the fans who cheered us after our live. Jun is standing next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. But he doesn't look at me. He turned his gaze away as I look to his face.
It feels like I'm standing near a statue. Its just a formality that he's acting like this.
"So, you want to go to the bar after this, Ino-chan?" Jun finally asked me.
"Yeah, I'm coming."
Moments later, we are sitting on a bar, the manager already booked this place for our after-party.
Jun sit right beside me. But he seems so far away. He acts as if I'm not here. He rarely ask me to join the conversation. If Ryuichi didn't talk to me, maybe I'll end up like a mannequin beside them.
Yeah, a mannequin that can smoke and drink. I added another drinks to my glass. And another one. And another one. I tried almost all alcohol beverages there. Yet, he still acting like it was normal.
"You'll get drunk easily if you drink like that, Ino," Sugizo commented.
And yes, he's right. I felt like the world is spinning.
"Maybe you should take him to his room, J," Shinya said.
"Okay, come on Ino," Jun grabbed my hand and shoving me out of the bar after I started to giggling when I look at Ryuichi's expression. Why he had to worried about me all the time? Even Jun won't care about me. He doesn't care about my love, he doesn't care about my feeling. But why I still want to be by his side? Am I really that stupid to still expect him to understand that I'm trully, trully in love with him?
"Silly," Jun said with a coldness in his voice, as we walked to my room.
I can't say anything.
"Your room key, please," Jun ask.
I give him. My hand is shivering, I don't know why. Suddenly Ryuichi's words floating on my mind. We must settle this.
"Why?" I asked with a low voice.
"What?"
"Why are you still by my side?" The words came out slurred but I know he understand what I'm saying.
Jun didn't say anything. He grabbed my hand as he opened the door.
"Why?" I asked once again.
"Just take a rest here," Jun gave me the room key.
"Answer me," I insisted, but Jun shoved me to the sofa and turned back. He really doesn't care when I hit the table, before landing to the sofa. I tried to stand up, ignoring the pain and chase him, "Jun, why did you do this to me?" I almost shouting.
But Jun just keep walking and closed the door in front of me.
I sit on the floor. Sadness engulfed me. Tears welled up in my eyes and running through my face.
Minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. I erased my tears and opened it quickly, "Jun!" But the person before my eyes is Ryuichi.
"Did you just have a fight with him again?" Ryuichi entered my room.
I just stared to the floor.
"J is taking a walk with Sugi-chan now," Ryuichi explained.
"Maybe Sugi-chan can understand him better than me," I forced a smile on my face.
Ryuichi suddenly hug me so tight, I can feel his breath. "Don't cry for him again, Ino-chan. Just don't do it. He doesn't deserve it."
"Ryu-chan....."
"I love you. I love you much better than him," Ryuichi's words makes me surprised. What.... Did I get that right? Ryu-chan loves me?
"I really love you, Ino," Ryuichi let go of his hug and touched my face gently. "Please give me a chance. I promise I won't hurt you."
"Ryu-chan..... I...."
He entwined our fingers. "Please, Ino. Forget about your relationship with him."
Then I taste his warm lips on mine. Strangely, I'm not pushing him away. He's so gentle, so different from Jun. Jun is more forceful.
"I could be better than him," Ryuichi added.
I really losing my words. I can't say anything. One side of me told me that I should accept Ryuichi, but I also realized that the one I loved is still Jun.
***
The next show, I feel so attached to Ryuichi. I always want to play my guitar beside him. I feel safe. I don't care if Jun looks at me with disappointment or angry. I just don't care and I'm learning to avoid him at any cost. I keep on saying on my mind that he's now just a friend. Only friend.
I kissed Ryuichi on stage. The fans are screaming. I smiled at him. I laughed with him. I feel free.
But in the backstage, Jun encounters me. "So you're dating with Ryuichi now?"
"Yes, is that a problem?" I replied.
"And you said that you loved me," Jun said.
"I do love you," I mumbled the words.
"So why?"
"I'm sorry," I came closer to Jun, kissing his lips softly, and walked away as I saw Ryuichi came to the room.
'I loved you, Jun. You're just too blind to see it', I said that words in my mind.
I took a quick glance at Jun, and welcoming Ryuichi in my warm embrace.
###
(END)
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic
Author notes: the first time I made J as the bad guy. Don't get me wrong, I loved J, but sometimes I want to make him a bad guy (^^) and the first time I write RyuxIno. please enjoy.
STORY
I just stay silent. Its not the first time he did that. There's no tears that came out from my eyes. Its not that I can't cry, I just choose to not cry. After all, its not like me to cry for him.
I can just watched him in silence as he walks out from the room.
Again it happened. I waited for him on the backstage after our show, just to give him a small gift, its our anniversary. I know that he won't remember about it, but I just want to make a surprise for him. Then it turned out to be worse. He's not even have to think twice to throw my gift away and left me here.
"Ino," someone put his hand in my shoulder, trying to comfort me. "Are you okay?"
"I'm okay," I tried to smile. Luckily, I'm the type of person who's good at controlling my own expression.
Ryuichi look at me with worried. "You can always cry if you want to."
"No," I keep on smiling. "Its okay," I left Ryuichi and go outside to have a smoke. I sat on the bench. I light my cigarette and blowed out the smoke, along with a sigh.
Though I felt hurt, I can just smile. Smiling for my stupidity. Yeah, I felt stupid, like I'm an idiot or something. I should've known from the start, that its not good to have a high expectation about this relationship between him and me. Its obvious that this is just a one-sided love. Its obvious that he doesn't care about me, since that day he left me waiting him for a long time. He stay by my side just because we've been friends since we're in school.
I let out another sigh. I should've stopped this game of love between us.
"Do you still want to stay beside him?", Ryuichi asked. He follows me and sit beside me.
I can't answer him. I know how hurt it is to be on this kind of relationship, to know that someone you love more than anything is actually don't love you as much as you do.
"You should've stop, Ino. Don't hurt yourself," Ryuichi still worried about me.
"I know," I replied. "I just wish that someday he will realize that I trully loved him."
"Ino," Ryuichi suddenly hug me tightly. "Stop that. Stop expecting him. He's not the one for you."
If only I could do that. If only I could just step aside and let him go like Ryu told me to do. But I can't. I don't have that guts.
"I'll talk to him that he should just let you go," Ryuichi let go of me.
"No. Its not his fault," I grabbed Ryuichi's hand just in time before he left me.
"But...."
"It's because my own stupidity. I should learn to be more considerate to Jun," I tried to smile, but Ryuichi is staring at me with a sad look.
"I really want to help you. I don't want you to feel like this again, Ino."
"We'll settle this soon, I promise," I said.
"Are you sure?"
I nod. I hope I have that courage.
***
I'm smiling to the fans who cheered us after our live. Jun is standing next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. But he doesn't look at me. He turned his gaze away as I look to his face.
It feels like I'm standing near a statue. Its just a formality that he's acting like this.
"So, you want to go to the bar after this, Ino-chan?" Jun finally asked me.
"Yeah, I'm coming."
Moments later, we are sitting on a bar, the manager already booked this place for our after-party.
Jun sit right beside me. But he seems so far away. He acts as if I'm not here. He rarely ask me to join the conversation. If Ryuichi didn't talk to me, maybe I'll end up like a mannequin beside them.
Yeah, a mannequin that can smoke and drink. I added another drinks to my glass. And another one. And another one. I tried almost all alcohol beverages there. Yet, he still acting like it was normal.
"You'll get drunk easily if you drink like that, Ino," Sugizo commented.
And yes, he's right. I felt like the world is spinning.
"Maybe you should take him to his room, J," Shinya said.
"Okay, come on Ino," Jun grabbed my hand and shoving me out of the bar after I started to giggling when I look at Ryuichi's expression. Why he had to worried about me all the time? Even Jun won't care about me. He doesn't care about my love, he doesn't care about my feeling. But why I still want to be by his side? Am I really that stupid to still expect him to understand that I'm trully, trully in love with him?
"Silly," Jun said with a coldness in his voice, as we walked to my room.
I can't say anything.
"Your room key, please," Jun ask.
I give him. My hand is shivering, I don't know why. Suddenly Ryuichi's words floating on my mind. We must settle this.
"Why?" I asked with a low voice.
"What?"
"Why are you still by my side?" The words came out slurred but I know he understand what I'm saying.
Jun didn't say anything. He grabbed my hand as he opened the door.
"Why?" I asked once again.
"Just take a rest here," Jun gave me the room key.
"Answer me," I insisted, but Jun shoved me to the sofa and turned back. He really doesn't care when I hit the table, before landing to the sofa. I tried to stand up, ignoring the pain and chase him, "Jun, why did you do this to me?" I almost shouting.
But Jun just keep walking and closed the door in front of me.
I sit on the floor. Sadness engulfed me. Tears welled up in my eyes and running through my face.
Minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. I erased my tears and opened it quickly, "Jun!" But the person before my eyes is Ryuichi.
"Did you just have a fight with him again?" Ryuichi entered my room.
I just stared to the floor.
"J is taking a walk with Sugi-chan now," Ryuichi explained.
"Maybe Sugi-chan can understand him better than me," I forced a smile on my face.
Ryuichi suddenly hug me so tight, I can feel his breath. "Don't cry for him again, Ino-chan. Just don't do it. He doesn't deserve it."
"Ryu-chan....."
"I love you. I love you much better than him," Ryuichi's words makes me surprised. What.... Did I get that right? Ryu-chan loves me?
"I really love you, Ino," Ryuichi let go of his hug and touched my face gently. "Please give me a chance. I promise I won't hurt you."
"Ryu-chan..... I...."
He entwined our fingers. "Please, Ino. Forget about your relationship with him."
Then I taste his warm lips on mine. Strangely, I'm not pushing him away. He's so gentle, so different from Jun. Jun is more forceful.
"I could be better than him," Ryuichi added.
I really losing my words. I can't say anything. One side of me told me that I should accept Ryuichi, but I also realized that the one I loved is still Jun.
***
The next show, I feel so attached to Ryuichi. I always want to play my guitar beside him. I feel safe. I don't care if Jun looks at me with disappointment or angry. I just don't care and I'm learning to avoid him at any cost. I keep on saying on my mind that he's now just a friend. Only friend.
I kissed Ryuichi on stage. The fans are screaming. I smiled at him. I laughed with him. I feel free.
But in the backstage, Jun encounters me. "So you're dating with Ryuichi now?"
"Yes, is that a problem?" I replied.
"And you said that you loved me," Jun said.
"I do love you," I mumbled the words.
"So why?"
"I'm sorry," I came closer to Jun, kissing his lips softly, and walked away as I saw Ryuichi came to the room.
'I loved you, Jun. You're just too blind to see it', I said that words in my mind.
I took a quick glance at Jun, and welcoming Ryuichi in my warm embrace.
###
(END)
No comments:
Post a Comment