[FANFIC: MASK] JxINORAN (Part 2)

Title: Mask
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance
Rating: M
Pairing: J x INORAN
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic. They are real people and this is pure fiction.

Author Notes: Contains yaoi (male x male) scene. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AGAINST YAOI. Review will be gladly accepted.

About the story: The continuation of my previous INORAN's POV fic titled 'MASK', if you haven't read it, you can read it here ----> part 1

BGM: Mask by Stellar (the italic words are part from the lyric of the song)

Summary: Inoran had a hard time to forget about his love to J, now that J is married, but he unconsciously remembering J every time and even came to J's live. And then J asked him to go out together with him again. Will he still keeping a distance from J or...........

THE STORY

You can't let me go

I can't let you go

After a busy schedule of my solo tour, I can finally take a break. There's still enough time to rest before I start the rehearsal with LUNA SEA again. Ever since Jun said that he missed me that time, I didn't have the guts to call him except for work.

I know I shouldn't be that hard to myself, but I think it's the best way. Otherwise I will always wants him. I will always wants to be by his side. Also my envy level to his wife will be higher than before. That woman already slept, wake up and having sex with him, if I think about that, I really want to be in her position right now.

Sigh. Now my jealousy rise up more than when we were still in relationship. Maybe I should be the one who marry him. Then my mind will be at ease.

I blew out the smoke from my mouth and pour another shot of whisky to the glass.

Fuck this! Why is this feeling comes back again? Didn't I already decided to move on and let him go? Why is it so hard to erase this feeling?

After a few more drinks, I decided to visit Sugizo. Luckily, he's in the house tonight. My head is so dizzy, I feel like I want to puke, but I managed to get to his house safely and even Sugi amazes by that.

"Just got back from a party, huh?" He said after I get out from his bathroom. Yes, I finally puke in his bathroom. Though my dizziness is still the same as before.

"Nope." I replies. He helps me to sit in his couch. "I just want to forget about something."

Now suddenly I want to cry.

Sugi sits beside me and put his hand on my shoulder. "You know, that this won't help you, right?"

I nod. I relax my head on his shoulder. I feel very lucky that I have Sugi as someone who I can consider as my big brother. I close my eyes for a while.

Once my hangover is gone, we've talk about several things, ranging from music to personal problems.

Did I look easy?

Did I look pathetic?

Was it wrong that I loved you?

That talk session with Sugi really means a lot to me because this time I feel more confident to face Jun in our rehearsal. I don't want to cry again. I will try to forget all of my feelings and I finally start dating a girl that I met in my favorite bar.

However, unexpected things always happened in this life.

We had this new project to create a new song that different than the songs we used to made. Now we are stuck in the studio, discussing about this new song. It's a normal thing, except the fact that Jun seems more unexcited this time. At first, I tried to ignore it, but then I can't help but feeling curious about why he looks like that.

We take a break for a while and I take that chance to smoke. I'm trying to calm myself when suddenly I see him walk to the toilet.

I wonder what happens to him, so I decided to follow him.

I take a few minutes to calm myself before finally steps in. A man just walks outside once I get in. He is washing his hands. He raises his head once he sees me.

"Hi...." I stares at him and standing near to him. There's no one else except us now. So I think now is the best time to ask about his problem.

"Well...... What's the matter with you?"

He stares at me from the mirror in front of him. Then answers, "nothing."

"Really? Because you look different today."

He turns his gaze away, "I just had a bad day."

"Then don't let it get to you. Cheer up, man!" I put my hand on his shoulder, at least that's the thing that I can do for him now, "we still have to finish this great song, I'm sure it will comes up as our masterpiece. I mean, it's the first time we create something like this....." I can't continue my words anymore because suddenly I'm on his warm embrace.

"Jun........"

"I miss you. I really miss you, you know." He said, almost whispering to my ear.

"Let me go." I tries to let myself go, despite the longing to be in his arms again, but he tighten his hug.

"No, I won't."

"Jun, please...." Though I keep telling him to let me go, my body just won't react the same. Very stupid.

He finally loosen his embrace and moves his hand, but only to caress my face, while his left hand still holding my waist. He tilted forward  and kiss my lips.

Okay, now this is so dangerous. He knows my weakness already. And he uses that now. He softly nibbles my lips, pushing his tongue inside my mouth while his hand teasing me by touching every part of my body.

I should've stopped him. I should've just push him away. But I can't because deep down inside, I know I want this too. I want him so bad. That's why, when we finally break free, I wraps my arms around his neck, wanting him to kiss me again.

"So, are you feeling better now?" I ask after another passionate kiss between us.

"Not yet," he grins. "I want you to do something." He whispers in my ear.

"We still have to go back to the studio after this..." I reminds him when he suddenly hugs me so tight that I can feel his hard-on. That actually amazes me, how he could easily getting hard just because of my touch and my kiss. Does he really wants me that much too?

"Let's make this quick before someone comes, ok?" He whispers and intentionally licks my earlobe, down to my neck.

I know what I must do. I know exactly what he wants. I pushes him to one of the empty cubicle and close the door. I kiss him wildly and my hands moves to his pants, trying to unzipping it.

This time, I really doesn't care about anything, except him. I kiss his neck, though I have to be very careful so I don't leave any kiss mark on his neck or shoulder.

I push his pants down and start to stroke his erection with my hand. He begin to moan against my touch. I smiles for a while, it's been so long since I hear his moan like this. For a moment, I just rub his erection gently while our tongue messed in a sensual way.

Jun moves back so I can have a space to kneel down in front of him and takes his erection into my mouth. He's moaning louder and calling out my name as I tease him by licking his balls. His hand start to ruffles my hair as I move my head back and forth, licking, sucking and sometimes nibbles his erection.

We both are drowning in our desire until finally he came hard and I need a few time to swallow it at first. He smiles at me and wipe out the white liquid that falling out from my mouth.

I stares at his eyes and can't help but smiles too. He helps me to stand up, just to slip his hand to my pants. He rubs my hard-on gently and finally releasing my pants.

"Jun....... We must go back to the studio...." I speak between my moan. His hand is still doing its magic on my erection.

"You really like it, right?" He whispers in my ear and kissing my earlobe as he strokes and pumps my erection faster.

I can't do anything except putting my hands on his shoulder and closes my eyes. I feel like I'm gonna come soon.

"Jun....." Along with that, I finally came and coated his hand with my sperm. I open my eyes and seeing him smiles with satisfaction.  But then I hear someone comes to this toilet. Moreover, it's Sugizo! I don't want him to see us like this!

Jun told me to calm down and he lifts up my legs. I wraps my legs around his waist while he's trying to balance himself by holding on to the wall. While I wrap my arms around his neck tightly that I'm afraid I might unintentionally strangled him.

"Where the hell did that twinbee go?" I hear Sugizo talks.

"Ino's out for a smoke, I don't know about J," now it's Shinya's voice.

"They're really late. We should've start making our song fifteen minutes ago! Geez, I hope Ino isn't sleeping somewhere!" I can tell that Sugi is slightly pissed with us.

Shinya laugh. "Well, let's just wait a few more minutes. J might have something important to do. He doesn't looks good today."

"Yeah, maybe he has a problem.... You know, woman....."

"I know."

The position is quite awkward for me now, as I can still feel his erection near my butt, but I have to keep quiet, otherwise they will notice us.

"I hope they'll be back soon. So we can start our practice again," I can hear the sound of someone washing his hand. "At times like this, I had a thought that they're having sex."

Shinya laugh. "No way. Ino already had his gf, right?"

"Yeah." Sugi also laugh, then we can hear their footsteps away from the toilet. 

Jun slowly puts my feet back on the ground.

"As always, Sugi is a great guesser." Jun grins as he puts back his pants and underwear.

"You just can't fool him," I replies.

He laughed for a while. "I'll go first," he kiss me on the forehead and steps out. While I'm still standing, grabbing the tissue to clean myself then steps out from there. He already left after washing his hand one more time. And I'm standing here, in front of the mirror, looking at myself. There's a guilt feeling that I felt toward his wife and my gf. We are cheating on them. But what can I do? I realized that I just can't let him go.

At least there are no regret

That was how desperate I was

My recording's done. It's time to go back home and take a rest. Recently, I've been very good at hiding my real feeling, in public, in front of my gf, and in front of my friends. Even Sugizo only knows that I can finally let him go and accept that we can only be friends. None of them know about what happened in the toilet back then and I also didn't change my attitude toward Jun. I'm smart enough to hide that secret without being told by Jun. Though inside, I can't help but wanted something like that happened again.

I was already on the car when I received a text message on my phone. It's from Jun. He invites me to have a drink with him. I just stares at my phone for a while, thinking about how to deal with this situation. On one side, I really want to go out with him, hoping that there will be another chance for us to be together. But on the other side, I already have an appointment with my gf, I promise to take her to a nice restaurant and have dinner.

Another message arrived. He told me to meet him on the bar.

I must make my decision soon. Him or my gf? The promise to someone close to me or the temptation to be with someone I loved more than anyone and anything in this world?

I let out a sigh and decided to go to that place.

As soon as I get there, I'm really surprised. Because I thought that it's only the two of us. He didn't mention about some people that's also drinking with us. Moreover, they're our school friends.

I smiles and come over to them. It's been a long time since we have time like this and meet our high school friends. At this time I can be like the way I used to be before, the Kiyonobu Inoue that they used to know. We talk and drink a lot. Even Jun can't restrain himself to drink. I could say we had a blast. It's always so much fun to meet up with your old friends, right?

The only thing that matters is I get drunk. My head is dizzy and I can't remember what I said to them that makes Jun takes my hand then walk outside. Maybe I talk about bad things or our secrets when we were in school. I don't know. Everything seems to be spinning around in my head. Memories and realities become blurred. All I can remember is Jun told me to go with him.

The moment when I can finally get a hold of myself and open my eyes, I'm on the bed. Not my bed though. It's not even my house. But soon I know where I am as I see Jun beside me.

"Already wake up?" He asks.

"Yeah, my head dizzy," I answer, staring right at his eyes. "Sorry I ruined it."

"It's alright." His hand starts to caress my hair. Then he starts to kiss me, "at least we could be together."

"But your wife?"

"She's not here, don't worry about that." His kisses now moving down to my neck.

Actually I have several questions in my head. I wonder what is it that makes Jun finally comes back to me. Why he do this? What happens in his life? But I keep that inside. I realized now that even though it's too late, at least, I can have him, maybe just for this time and then I have to share him with his wife.

In the mask that was made how you wanted it

I'm not there

It's just a lie

I have to put my smile mask again now. I had to attend another party, with the socialites and other party-goers.

If someone take a look at myself in the past, none of them would think that I will ended up here, being one of the rich guys who loves to spend his night with partying. I was always be the one who likes to be alone, without the will to show myself up to everyone. I got scared being with the crowds.

Actually, that part from the past still exist inside of me. I have a fear that I will lose myself among these crowds. I'm afraid that I can't separate between my mask and my real self. Luckily, I still have Jun by my side. He's the only one that can make me reveal my true self. He's the one who can keep me sane in this insane world.

I gulp down my tequila. My gf is sitting beside me, talking about some branded stuff that she bought to her friends and like you can guess, they all the rich girls who can afford anything they wants.

She bought me those luxurious things too and made me climb up my social rank, from just the unseen member of a legendary band into one of the socialites. She talks happily about our relationship, repeatedly clinging to my arms, smiles cheerfully and showing to all her friends that we are a perfect couple.

I wrap my arms on her shoulder, talking and laughing with them. What she doesn't know is that I'm not there with them. This is not my real self.

She doesn't even know me. She doesn't see the real me. Because I only show my true self to him. Only him.

Maybe someone would think that I'm stupid to do something like this. I should've dumped her and be with Jun. But everything is not as easy as it seems.

My mind is still full of doubt. If I left her, would he do the same for me? Or will he stay with his wife?

Nevertheless, I'm still here, beside her and pretend that I love her.

I'm afraid I'll get caught

I'm afraid you will leave

I open my eyes and smiles when he kiss my forehead then kissing my lips. I can see the sun light through the thick curtain. So, it's morning already.

I yawn. At times like this I feel so lazy to move out from the bed, but I have to, because his wife might come back here soon.

"I'm gonna take a shower first," I said, moving out from the bed and go inside the bathroom.

So we've finally like this, a cheater couple. I don't know how long can we stay like this. Maybe until we're tired of hiding our love or when we're getting bored with each other.

As I finished my bath and dress up, he already done with cleaning up the room. Now there's no sign of us having a great night here.

Then I hear someone comes. It must be his wife. And my guess is right. She steps in when Jun and I walks to the living room.

"Hi dear," Jun greets her with a smile.

"Hi honey," she kiss Jun. "Ah, Inoran-san," then she finally notices me. I just fake my smile and greets her back.

"Ino and I are making a new song last night," Jun explains.

"Sorry to trouble you." I bow my head to respect her, though my inner self really wants to take her hand off from my Jun. "It's done now, so I want to take some rest."  

"Oh, thanks for coming, Inoran-san," she said. I can only reply her with a smile.

"I'm leaving," I said, still with my fake smile. Jun follows me until the front door.

Everything is normal, we parted like a good old friend, when suddenly his wife asks from the bedroom area, "hunny, whose cigarette is this?"

Both of us look at her, and then I notice that it's mine! I forgot that I put my cigarette on his bedroom!

"Oh, that's mine. I'm sorry," I hurrily comes back to his bedroom to grab the cigarette, hoping that it will not make her suspicious with me. But then, I found out something that Jun missed out when he was cleaning this room. A pack of used condom, near the nightstand! With her behind me, I must try to find a way to distract her attention. So I accidentally drop my phone and quickly grab the condom and put it on my pocket when she grab my phone.

"You drop your phone, Inoran-san," she gives the phone back to me.

"Ah...Thanks. I must go now," I act like nothing happens before. And when I finally met Jun again, I take him near me and speak slowly, "you missed something there, I hope she won't notice it before me."

"Don't worry, I'll handle it," he replies.

I leave him to get into my car and leave his house.

Though I'm really afraid about us getting caught cheating, but the fear of getting caught is what makes our relationship more interesting and fun.

My phone suddenly ringing, from its tone I can recognize that it's a text message.

From J. I thought that he will say I love you but the message is 'let's do it again someday.'

I let out a sigh, I should've know that he's not that romantic. I text a reply for him, 'ok, up to u.' and smiles.     

#OWARI#