Title: Just Be Friends
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: M
Pairing: J x INORAN
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic. They are real people and this is pure fiction.
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: M
Pairing: J x INORAN
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic. They are real people and this is pure fiction.
Author Notes: Contains yaoi (male x male) scene. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AGAINST YAOI. Review will be gladly accepted.
About The Story: I made this from INORAN POV (again) because i loved writing from his POV :D This is about the times after LUNA SEA Final Act and about the changes in his relationship with J, also when he have to face the fact that J is getting married. Very very sorry for the late updates, i have several stories to be write and lack of time. Anyway, please enjoy and sorry for the bad English (if there any :D)
Theme Song: Just Be Friends - Megurine Luka (Vocaloid)
JUST BE FRIENDS
Just be friends
All we gotta do
Just be friends
It's time to say goodbye
I just can't believe what I just heard.
He wants us to disband? How could he do that? Is he out of his mind or what? I
know lately we aren't in a good term again, but I really can't imagine that
this will lead into the disbandment of our band. He's shattering our dreams
into pieces. How could he be so mean?
I emptied the bottle once again, I
don't even count how many bottles I have drink now. In fact, I can't think of
anything except the fact that he wants us to disband. He's the one that protect
me when other member complained about our side project with Hide-san. He's the
one that said about how we should be together, making music until we're tired
of it. He's the one that said LUNA SEA is the most ideal band he ever had. And
now he's the one that wants to end all of this.
My phone suddenly ringing. With one
hand holding the neck of the bottle and one hand holds the phone, I answers it.
It's him. I thought he's going to say that he's sorry and it's only a prank or
he regret saying that. But I really can't expect that he's going to say this.
"I can't think of another way. Let's
end all of this. Let's make our last live."
I unconsciously release the bottle. It
shatters into pieces as it hits the floor. Just like what I feel right now.
Everything already shatters. Nothing left.
--
Fucking final act. My inner mind always
shouts 'I don't want to admit this live. I don't want this to end.' Apparently
reality is not about getting what we want when we want it. Reality is cruel. I
don't even know how many tears I shed ever since he wanted us to disband. Even
though in front of him, I always debating him, sometimes we get into a heat
argument. Shinya-chan thinks we are on a fight. And our fight is one of the
main reason behind our disbandment decision.
I shed my tears again. After this
night, there's no more LUNA SEA. No more doing rehearsal for live with them. No
more spending our times in studio and thinking about new songs together. No
more standing on the stage beside the bassist who changed my life. No. It's
over. It's done.
He pats my shoulder, trying to relieve
my sadness. But that wouldn't bring any changes. That only makes my tears flow
more than before.
"Come on, Ino, we could still meet
each other, and who knows that maybe we could be together again."
Indeed. But you don't know that starts
from now, our life will never be the same again! I want to hate you, Jun Onose!
I really want to hate you! Unfortunately I can't do that.
He took me into his arms. He hugs me
firmly. His scent reminds me of those countless nights we spent together,
creating and composing songs for the band, and those times when we made love.
"We can still hang out
together," he said. What for? All that left is our solo project. I have no
right to interfere each member's solo project without permission. We are no
longer in the same band.
---
Currently, my mood drops. I can't even
drink. Maybe, just maybe, Sugizo was right that time when he said that our band
was just a kiddy band. We should've stopped right there. We shouldn't make LUNA
SEA in the first place.
The others are talking about their
future project in our after-party. While me? I made those talks stop simply
because of my tears that once again falls from my eyes. They all looks sad.
Because it's the end of our times to stay together as a band. I know we can
still meet each other in other times, but not as LUNA SEA. LUNA SEA is
officially dead.
I wipes my tears as we say goodbye to
each other. Only me and him left here as usual. He takes my hand and walks in
front of me. Like usual. He always likes to take the lead and I always follows
him.
"You know, you should think about
your solo projects now."
I stares at our joined hands. I could
say that my first album is great, but to make another album is not as easy as
he thinks. "I need time to make a deal with some singers..."
He smiles. "Why don't you sing it
yourself?"
"No. I can't sing."
He laugh. "Don't compare yourself
with Ryuichi. You should do it as yourself."
The fact is that I don't have enough
confidence. It feels strange to stand on a stage without him. Without his
support.
He stops and turns around to stares at
me. He wipes away my tears. "We'll be together again. Back as LUNA SEA.
Someday, when we are wise enough to be together as one."
I just nods. I don't have anything to
say. LUNA SEA is always be a part of me, and now, I already lost that.
---
We were one. Now we are two. I realize
that the moment I saw him with a girl. Holding hands. She looks happy. He's
smiling. And I'm watching them in silence behind a cafe's window, quite hidden
but still can see everything on the street outside of this cafe.
So this is the reason why he turns into
a flameless guy near me. Am I really that boring to him?
I bet that girl doesn't know him as
much as I do. I bet she doesn't know about his habit when he was sleeping, what
kind of expression that he made when he woke up, what to do when he turn into a
mad man, even his most favorite food and drink. She doesn't know what Jun Onose
was in Junior High and Senior High. She doesn't know anything about Jun except
she read that from our interview. Fuck, I bet she doesn't even know his size!
I put my cigarette on the ashtray. I'm
about to greet them, saying that 'I'm here, hello, what a surprise' kind of
thing. Then I see them stops in front of me. Jun kiss her. Fuck this! I really have
to go outside. I grab my cigarettes pack, my small bag and leave my place. I
walk fast to go outside of the cafe. But then I just standing there like a
fool. I take a deep breath and walk passed them. When Jun notices me, I fake my
smile and said I'm in a hurry.
---
I don't even know why I love him this
much. I know it's stupid already, to be in love with someone that sometimes
hurt you 'till you want to cried out. Honestly, I can't even think of replacing
him with someone else.
I managed to move on from my
post-disbandment depression and making a new music with Ken Lloyd. Ken is a
nice guy. He told me to change my style so it fits this band and so I change my
hairstyle and dyed my hair blonde. He makes me happy, he can makes me smile
again.
But when I sits in my room, thinking
about creating a new song, Jun calls me. After countless weeks, now he finally
remember me again. Actually, I could just called him first, but my mind always
reminds me of when he and that girl kissing that day. It's almost making me
crazy.
"Ino, can I stay in your place for
a while?"
I almost drops my cigarette and burn
out all the lyrics sheet.
"Yeah, sure." I replies. Why?
There must be something wrong with him. But nevertheless, that makes me happy.
At least, I'll have Jun beside me tonight.
"Thanks."
After that call, I can't concentrate on
my works. Sigh. Really. Jun invades my mind now. And when he said he already in
front of my house, I opened the door and see him standing in front of me.
"Sorry to bother you. I just need
a place to relax." He takes off his shoes as I let him go inside.
"It's alright. What happens?"
"Well.... I just broke up."
My brain needs time to understand that
words. And when I realized that, I feel so relieve like all the burden on my
shoulder being lift up to the sky. I know it's mean. But I just can't stop this
feeling.
He told me about what happened to their
relationship while we sit and drink. To be honest, I don't really care. I'm
just happy that he already broke up with that stupid girl. He should realize
that I'm the only one that can understand him.
"Ino.... You really not mad at me,
right?" He suddenly asks.
"No way," I laugh. "I
can't be mad at you. And you were right. We should try to focus on our solo
projects after the disbandment...."
"It's not that," he cut me off,
"about that time, when I wanted to introduce her. I thought you were mad
at me."
"Don't be silly," I smiles,
casting off all that negative thoughts about him before. Even though I'm really
jealous, I can't show him that. No. He might think I'm stupid.
He grins and his eyes keep staring at
me from head to toe. I always felt nervous everytime he did that to me. So I
busily re-arranging all my lyrics sheet.
But then his hands holds my face,
there's no other choice than to stares back at him again. His finger caressing
my cheek, he moves closer to me. Then he kiss me on my lips. It's just a simple
and tender kiss.
Though my mind still alarming me about
the things that he did before, I tried to cast it away and making our passionate
kiss like the way it used to be.
I missed him so much. I missed his
kisses.
He starts to hugs me tight while our
kiss getting deeper. I love the way he plays his tongue in my mouth. It's one
of the thing that he could do to make me go crazy. I wrap my hands around his
shoulder. Simply melting into that kiss. His hand slowly moving to the edge of
my shirt, he slips his hand underneath my shirt and gives me that unexplained
sensation as he touches my skin and move upward to my nipples.
I know exactly what's gonna happen
next. And I can't help myself to feel excited. I just can't win against him.
---
I began to wonder, what kind of feeling
he had for me?
I stares at his sleeping face. His arms
still hold me, making me warm. And I keep staring at his face.
My mom once warns me, back when we were
still in school, that he was a bad influence for me. She's right. Because he's
the only one that made me fallin' deeply in love like this. I tried to have a
relationship with a girl, slept with some girls too, but my feeling is still
the same for Jun.
Back when LUNA SEA was still there, he's
always right beside me, as if protecting me from any harm. People could see how
we were close to each other. We even got a nickname 'twinbee'. They said Jun is
really care for me. But the problem is I don't know if he loves me or not.
Yeah, I have a doubt with our
relationship. Silly, huh? I should have trust him like the way I did before
when we were in school and when we started LUNA SEA for the first time. Unfortunnately
I can't do that anymore.
I take my cigarette, trying to calm
myself from any bad thought. What else could I expect? Ever since we separated
our ways, being together with him is not as easy as it seems anymore. We should
treasure this moment.
He opens his eyes and smiles the moment
he sees me.
"Hey," he moves his hand and
caress my face, then slowly making me closer to him so he can kiss my lips. I
close my eyes, then nibbles his lips, feeling the touch of his soft lips. How I
wish that we could stay like this forever. How I wish that our love will last
forever.
The door bell rings. I quickly ends the
kiss and move away from him.
I just remember that today I have to go
with Ken. I put my short pants and opens the door. It's Ken. I told him to wait
for me, but as I want to go to the bathroom, someone suddenly hugs me from
behind and lay a feathery kisses on my neck. Yeah, it's Jun. He said he have to
go after this. Just when his eyes finally caught sight of Ken, he release his
intimate hug from me.
Ken just stares at me, I can't describe
his expression that time, but seems like he's a little bit uncomfortable with
that.
Later after that, Ken said that he
loves me. Unfortunately, I can't be with him. All of my feeling only belongs to
J. Then, we started to have an argument, not only about music, but also
personal things and that leading me to left Fake?
Ken said that I might be blinded by my
love for J. Maybe. But this is what I am now. I can't just forget him and loves
someone else. I just can't.
---
I just sits and stares at something in
front of me. Once again I have to face something so heartbreaking like this.
What else could be more heartbreaking than to receive a wedding invitation from
someone that you love with all your heart?
I finally stand up, approaching the
railings. I'm so desperate today, I won't even talk to anyone at all. Why is
this happening to me? Why he should be married with someone else?
My hand holds the railings so tight. I
just need one jump to end all of this. To end all of my feelings, my sorrow and
my life. I'm about to do that, if my cellphone doesn't ringing so loud and
force me to answer it.
"Ino," it's his voice.
My hand is trembling. Why does he calls
me? Does he change his mind and realize about my true feelings for him?
"I'm gonna send you something. You
should wear that in my wedding. I want you to stay with me in that day."
Another bad news for me.
But still I have to pretend that
everything is alright.
By the time he hang up his phone, tears
flows from my eyes. All of my feelings has been scattered. Just how can he be
stupid enough to not realized about my feeling after all this time? After
everything that I do for him. He didn't even tell me that he wanted to ended
our relationship. No. He didn't tell me anything at all. That wedding
invitation suddenly arrives like a thunder strikes in a clear and bright day.
In the end all I can think about is what
will happened to our relationship after this.
"Ino? What are you doing?" I
heard a familiar voice behind me. I turn my head and see Sugizo run towards me.
"It's dangerous."
I'm not saying anything. Indeed, the
wind is quite strong, if I lose my grip, I might be fall. I don't care.
"Hey, Ino." Sugi pulls me by
force, away from the railings. "Don't be stupid."
"I already am," I mumbles. Tears
falls from my eyes again. And I feel Sugi hugs me close like a big brother.
"You know what, we are thinking to
reunite again," Sugi said. "Someone saw you came to the rooftop, that's
why I came here. I also thought that you already know he's going to married
soon, that's why I think you'll need someone to talk to. But I didn't expect to
see you like this."
How come? After all these time, how the
hell should I be happy with this? How? He's everything to me. I love him more
than anyone.
How could he broke my heart like this?
Sugi's hand caressing my hair to calm
me down.
"It's okay. Just cry now. But
after this, you should be a man and face it," Sugi said that to me and I
reply him with a nod.
---
It's the day. The most heartbreaking
moment in my life will start soon. I had enough of crying, I lost my interest
with anything, even our reunion won't made me happy, though I camouflaged it in
front of everyone else.
I walk to the wedding party place. My foot
hurts. Seems like Jun already forget about my size that he even sent me a pair
of shoes that smaller than my own size. But I have no guts to reject it nor
complained for it, because he wants me to wear this suits with this shoes in
his wedding day. He wants me to act as his best man. Ironic, huh? To be the
best man for the one that you love more than you love yourself.
All I got in my mind now is a part of
our song, a song that created by him and also one of our best song.
'Jesus, don't you love me?'
---
Jun looks happy. He's smiling all the
time. He and that woman maybe the happiest couple on planet Earth now. And I'm
stuck here, sitting, wasted myself with champagne and beer. I choose the
perfect position for myself, in the corner of the room, so I don't have to face
to face with their happy face all the time, also I need to rest my foot.
As I examine my foot, I realized that
it is indeed injured with an open wounds and now it's bleeding.
It's somehow amazes me how my sadness
can makes me feel so numb that I still can walk despite the wounds.
"Hey," Sugi and Ryu come to
me and sit beside me. "Have you try something here? You haven't eat
anything at all today, right?" Sugi said.
"I'm not hungry," I replies.
I can't eat anything, if I don't force myself, I can't even drink since last
night.
"But you have to! Wait, I'll get
you something," Sugi stands up and walks to the buffet.
"Are you alright?" Ryu asks.
I nods and replies with a bitter smile.
I must be happy. I can't cry in this place.
"Really?"
"Don't worry about me." I put
my shoes on again, but now the wound hurts so much, I can't hide it anymore.
"What happened?"
I tries to hide it, but Ryu is faster
than me, he stares at my foot and notice it.
"You're bleeding!"
"I'm alright," I tries to
hide it behind my smile, but Ryu already called Sugi and I can't hide it
anymore. To make it worse, they examine my legs right when J passes us.
"Hey, what happens to you?"
He stares me with a worries expression. "Ino, you have to treat your
wounds."
No. Please don't stare at me with such
expression, Jun. That will makes me have a difficult time to forget you. I try
my best to walk away from him, when suddenly I feel so dizzy. I notice Shinya
is standing beside me and talk about how pale I am, then everything suddenly
turns black and I can't remember anything again.
---
The moment I opened my eyes, I notice
the hurt on my wounded foot is slightly better than before. I try to sit and
realized someone already wrapped my foot with bandages.
"Feeling better now?" Someone
ask me. The familiar voice I already knew so well. The voice of the only person
I loved all this time.
He takes a seat beside me, who
apparently laying on a sofa.
"Jun......"
"You really need to get some
rest."
"Why are you here?" Although
some part of me really wants him to stay with me, but now I want him to just
ignore me. Because he'll never be mine again.
"I'm worried...."
"You don't have to worried about
me," I fake my smile.
"Ino....."
"Onose-san, your wife is waiting
for you," someone suddenly interrupted us.
"Go, leave me alone now."
"But..."
"I'm alright now, just go. Your
wife calls you. The party isn't over yet, right?" Again, a fake smile.
Luckily I'm good with faking my smile, so he finally leave me.
The moment when he closed the door
behind him, I feel something wet in my eyes.
"Oh shit, not now," I lean my
head, staring at the ceiling. Knowing that this really not the best time to
cry. I should've realized that everything that have a start will always have an
end. And this is the end. I should bury our memories forever deep within
myself.
'Goodbye,
my love, it's over
We
have to leave without turning back
It's
all over'
(Notes: words on italic is taken from the English translation of Just Be Friends by Megurine Luka lyrics)
