[FANFIC: SILVER / J x INORAN]

Title: Silver
Author: Ai Mori
Fandom/band: Jrock/LUNA SEA
Genre: Romance
Rating: M
Pairing: J x INORAN
Disclaimer: I don't own any people here, and I'm not writing this to harm any people on this fic. They are real people (i know) and this is pure fiction.

Author Notes: Contains yaoi (male x male) explicit sexual scene. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AGAINST YAOI. Review will be gladly accepted.

I put Jazzy back to its bag and preparing my stuff. We just finished our rehearsal for our 25th anniversary live.

25 years. Our silver anniversary. Never thought this band will last that long when we made our first live.

I smiled silently when I watched the other members preparing their stuff.

"See you tomorrow, guys," Ryuichi wear his bag and leave after waving his hand.

"Right, don't be late, ok?" Sugizo said, wearing his guitar bag.

"Don't worry about that, I'm gonna be on time," I replied. He always worried about how I can't be on time everytime we held a rehearsal. But I already left that habit a long time ago and try to be more punctual about rehearsal time.

"I'll remind you again tomorrow," Sugizo then left the room.

"Okay, don't forget to rest, guys, and see you tomorrow," Shinya waves his hand and leave too.

I smiled again. 25 years with these guys, making music, held lives around the world, it was really amazing. I feel so lucky that we can still making a good music, even in our age now.

But then reality hit me. As soon as I steps out of this studio, my real life is waiting for me. The life that everyone doesn't know about.

I let out a sigh. Lately, I don't like going back to my own house. I rarely checked my phone. I just feel so tired. Tired to face my own life.

"Something wrong with you?" A voice disrupt my thought. The voice of a man who start this band with me 25 years ago. The man that I can always trust ever since we met in junior high school. The man who I secretly adored for more than 25 years. The man who I thought is destined to be with me, no matter what.

"Ah, nothing." I try to smile at him but he pierces me with his sharp eyes.

"Are you sure?"

I nods.

"You can always talk to me whenever you have a problem," J sit in front of me.

The sound guy just left after they finished managing our stuff.

"I don't........" I can't finished my words, because I know that its a lie. I'm not okay. My mind is not okay. After we revived LUNA SEA back, after we had a great time on our tour, I've come to realized one thing which is: why I can't be as happy as this before?

I worked hard on my solo career, helping other musicians, even joining another band, but everything is different compared to when I'm with him in LUNA SEA.

"Then, tell me, what's your problem? I saw you sighing all the way before we start our rehearsal. What's wrong?" J asks me, like a big brother questioning his little brother who got caught stolen something from a grocery store.

If only I could tell him about these things. About my feeling whenever he stand beside me. About how I have to keep this feeling inside for years. About how many times I regret after having a fight with him. About how I ended up crying and broken after his wedding day. About the times when I feel jealous after I saw him with his wife, smiling to each other. About how many times I wish that I could be happy with my gf because I thought he was happily living his life as a married man.

"It's just....... I'm tired," only that words came out from my mouth now. Which is true. I'm tired of pretending to be a happy man in front of her, and we ended up having a fight. The way to calm her down is just by taking her to a luxurious restaurant, have a dinner there, and let her wasted herself.

"Then you should just go home now."

"I don't feel like it," I replies shortly. She might wait for me at my house. And after this rehearsal, I don't want to waste my time for another argument with her.  

His eyes is staring at me from head to toe. I wonder if there's something wrong with me. "I heard you got caught in a party with girls."

I rolled my eyes. Oh right, those fuckin' paparazzi who take a picture of me with some chicks in my friend's party and put that on a gossip magazine. Does it really a crime if the so-called shy and calm guitarist like me getting wild in a party with girls?

"Why is everyone making a big deal of that?"

"Because its you, who used to not give a damn about anything like that."

Yeah right. I used to not give an attention about party because of you, but now that I know you can't be mine, I thought I can erase this feeling by getting hooked up and partying with girls. Unfortunately, I was wrong. You're still on my mind, Jun. Nevertheless, I uttered an excuses to him. "I already left that image a long time ago, Jun."

"But you do have a problem, didn't you? You know, you can't fool me."

"You don't know anything about me now," I replies while turning my sight away from him and checking back all my stuff.

"Had another fight with her?" Suddenly he popped out that question and making me freeze my action.

"Its none of your business. You better go home now, your wife is waiting for you."

He stand up. "Don't let that ruining your concentration."

"I'm not losing my con...." This time my words are interrupted because he is hugging me. And I can't continue my words because I'm too surprised. All those words are flying away from me. I can't even decide how to react.

"Jun...."

He finally let go of his hug and pats my shoulder. "Chill out a little, ok? See you tomorrow." Then he turns his back and step away.

Is that it? Just as simple as that? What's the meaning behind that hug, Jun?

Okay, I guess I will never know the answer unless I make a move. Otherwise I will cursed myself as the stupidest person in the world. Come on, Inoran, you've been stupid before, but right now don't, just don't let this chance slip away this easy!

"Wait!"

He stops and turns around again. "What?"

"Do you have time to drink with me?"

He's fidgeting, "now? But you told me to go home earlier..."

"Just for a while." Now I regret what I said before. Geez, can I just be smart a little when choosing words to disguise my emotion?

He just stares at me. Come on Jun, say yes already!

"Hmm, yeah, why not." He replies.

Yes! Right now, all I need is just to be with him. I want him to stay beside me tonight, so I can feel more like myself and be more positive tomorrow. I take my belongings and follows him outside the studio.

***

So here we are. Sitting in the corner of a bar and make sure that no one realizes that there's two famous musicians sitting side by side, enjoying the time after our 25th anniversary live rehearsal.

It's been a really long time since I last talked to him like this. Ever since he got married, I quietly taking a distance from him. Not because I'm busy, but simply because I want to erase my feeling for him. Unfortunately, that won't work because I know deep down inside, I still loves him.

I'm glad that this spot is empty when we came, because this dim light and the romance music began to soothe my stressed soul. I feel more relaxed after I gulp down my tequila, and had a talk about our rehearsal, our music and some things about our solo works.

"So, you do have a fight with her, right?" He said after he drink his vodka. It's been a long time for me to see him drinking and usually he will refuse but tonight he makes an exception.

Oh please, can we just not talk about her now? I just want to treasure this moment with you.

"Yeah," I answer. Staring at the glass of tequila in front of me. "She's messing up my works."

Jun nods. I think he understand that I always get mad whenever someone messing up with my lyrics sheet. "But I don't think that's the only reason why you look so stressed out today."

"I told you I was feeling tired." I finally turn my gaze at him. In this dim light, his face looks more ephemeral and handsome. Maybe I'm already getting drunk.

"Tired of my life." I murmured which caused him to raised his eyebrow. "I don't know. Recently I felt like that. I just feel happy when I'm with you."

He just staring at me. Oh crap, what did I say before?

"I.... I mean...."

"It's okay," he grins, tapping the edge of the glass with his finger. "I hope you don't feel that tired anymore."

Alright. It already happened. I can't take back my words. After all, it's exactly what I have in my mind now.

'I'll be there for you.

These five words I swear to you

When you breathe I want to be the air for you'

Oh, now this Bon Jovi's song really suits the mood. Really. I already mentioned somewhere back in the past that his existence is so natural like air. And that inspires me to create a song for him. Yes. 'Breathe'.

He's my air, without him I'm not complete. But he didn't notice that. He didn't notice how I really meant those words that I wrote for him. He thought that I was in love with someone else. He didn't realize that everytime he played his bass on that song, I feel happy, as if that words finally reach him. Stupid, huh? Well, I've been like that ever since I gave that song to him. Ever since I realized how much I loved him.  

I didn't notice how time passes by so fast until he taps my shoulder, "you should get a rest, Ino. We still have rehearsal tomorrow."

Although I don't want to, but he's right. I should rest, sleep, and preparing for the rehearsal.

"Come on, I'll take you home." He smiles and take my hand.

I smile to him too. Jun, you are a God-send. My savior. Though you'll never knew about that.

Now that we've talked, I feel much better than before. Because you are the cure of my negative thoughts.

***

I take a look at the front yard of my house as we are approaching. No signs of her car. That means she already left my house. Probably to a bar. Oh well, let her go. At least, she won't disturbing me for a while.

"Wanna come in?" I asks that question as soon as he stops the car.

"Alright," he agrees and that makes me feel happy inside. We used to stay at my place before that Final Act live which makes us rarely communicate with each other. That time, I wish he would just call me or hang around with me, but he was busy with his own career. So busy that he might be almost forget about me.

We stepped out of the car and get inside my home sweet home. I switched on the light, and hell yeah, I forgot to clean up, yet she added new junks to my table. Two bottle of whisky, cans of beer are scattered on the table, with some papers and a clothes.  The papers and the clothes are the remains of our last night fight, where I decided to reject her gift, simply because I really not in the mood for a party with her friends and she scattered the lyrics and song notes that I made.

I noted that there's a memo, with her hand-writing, 'Kiyo-chan, are you hanging out with your boring old band members again? I'm leaving for a party with my girls.' Sigh. She never get along with the guys simply because they already stopped being a heavy smoker and a heavy drinker. I tries to put that memo away, and clean up the table. "Uh... Well, wanna have a drink?"

"You drink all of that?" Jun looks amazed.

"Nope, she did." In terms of drinking and getting wasted, she is an expert. I can't even count how many times I have to take care of her because she got totally drunk after hang out with her friends. "So? Wanna have a drink?"

"A beer is nice." He replies.

I nods and go to the kitchen to grab two cans of beer from the fridge.

Jun sits and take off his leather jacket. He is lost in his own thoughts when I comes back from my kitchen, bringing him a can of beer.

"Jun," I call him, and he seems a little bit surprised when I came, but then his gaze soften.

"Yeah?" He receives his beer and open it.

"What's wrong? You got a problem too?" He is good at hiding his own problem, but now, I just can't let him do that. It's my time to help him too, after what he did to relieve my boredom.

"Did your wife ask you to come home?" I hesitantly asks while opened up the can and sips my beer.

He shakes his head. "We had a fight too." He finally replies.

What?! Is that true? Jun and his wife..... Having a fight?

"I don't think that we should be together now." He continues as I sit closer to him. "She doesn't want to meet me. Maybe its the best thing for us now."

That woman. Why did she had to do that with my Junjun? I put my hand on Jun's shoulder.

"If that's the case, then taking a break is the only solution. Maybe in time both of you will learn about what's missing in your relationship." I'm trying to be wise, but deep down inside, I wish Jun will leave her. I know it's mean. I know it's impossible. But I just can't stand seeing Jun sad. I'll do anything possible to make him happy. Anything.

He stares at me. "Ino...."

His face is very close to me. I can even feel his breath on my face. Right now, I just hope that something will happen between us now.

And that hope comes true. Seconds later I feel his warm lips touching mine. So sweet and tender. Though I really want it, but I didn't expect that he will kiss me that fast.

He nibbled my lips, and I open my mouth so he could slide his tongue. Our tongues meet, and it's really an amazing moment, where we share a passionate kiss, releasing everything we've been hiding inside for years.

When we finally stop our kissing to take a breath, he slowly touch my face and I just stare at his eyes. I still can't believe that it's true. That we are finally begin something new. Something that I always want to do.

"I was stupid. Recently, I just realized that..." He kissed my forehead, "there's no one who can understand me the way you do. Not even her."

I just smiles. "We've known each other for so long. That's why..."

He closed my mouth with another kiss. I wrap my hands to his neck and pulling him closer. My heart is beating so fast now until I'm afraid that he can feel it.

His hand is sliding down from my face to the nape of my neck, to my back and down to my waist. We start another passionate kiss, and I can't hold my desire anymore. I want to let go all of my emotion, my longing for him. I slid my fingers under his shirt, feeling his skin while our tongue messed in a sensual way.

He's sucking my lips before parted our kiss and moving down to kiss, licks and nibbles my neck, making me shiver a little.

I touches and playing with his nipples, making him moan. He stops his attack on my neck and gallantly remove his shirt, before helping me taking off mine. I stare at his body, his hotness is still the same as before. He slid his fingers to touch my body, slowly pushing me lean on the sofa and kissing my naked torso. I just close my eyes, feeling the touch of his lips against my skin and ruffling his hair. It's really something that I've been dreaming of. Being in Jun's arms, making love, and living a great life with him. But I dare not to talk about it with anyone, until it's too late. Luckily, God is giving me a second chance and I won't let this chance slip away anymore. I moves my fingers, touching his body, then grab his pants. I hesitate for a while, but then I unzipping it when he kissed my lips to show me that he doesn't mind with it. I touch him and stroke his member which already getting hard because of my touch. I've never felt this excited before. My heart still beating so fast that I have to calm myself by taking a deep breath before continuing my action.

But he stops me in the way. He's releasing all his clothes in front of me. Now that he's fully naked, I feel that I need to release this growing desire inside of me too. He's smiling and I definitely know what to do. I moves around, kneeling in front of him and touches his throbbing member with my fingers. I'm rubbing his length, down to his balls and that making him moans again. He's really the sexiest man I've ever known. I'm willing to do anything as long as I can always be with him.

With that thought, I open my mouth and sucks him, making him moans louder, his hands is ruffling my hair and guiding my head as I move it back and forth.

"Ino...." He said my name between his moan, making me filled with an intense pleasure. I know, its not over yet as he makes me stop and told me to get to the sofa.

From this moment, I don't even have to think about anything else. Just him. Only him.

"Do you have....."

"It's in my bedroom." I pointed him the direction to my bedroom. As he leave, I just laying on the sofa, waiting for him. I closed my eyes, touching myself, thinking about the old good times when we used to do it back then, when we're still young. And I remember, one time when he's totally drunk, he thought I was a girl due to my long black hair, and made love to me with that thought in his mind. He confessed to me later about that, which made me laugh because he even didn't notice the difference between me and a girl.

I open my eyes again as I felt someone's hand touching my thigh, slowly moving to my entrance. His lips touches the tip of my member as his finger which already covered by lube enter me.

It feels so fucking good that I can't hold my moan anymore. His other hand joined mine as he nibbled and sucking my member and put another finger inside me. I can't even think of anything. I don't care about where we are now. I just want him to fuck me. I need him inside me, make me his own again. And that need is soon fulfilled as he finished his work on me and preparing to enter me.

I stare at his lovely eyes. Admiring the man in front of me right now. He's hotter than before and now I'm ready to give myself to him.

"Relax, okay?" He kissed my lips as he puts my thigh around his waist before slowly enters me.

Oh God, I almost forgot that it's always be this hurt in the beginning. I hold his shoulder tightly, trying to bear this pain because I know, there will be more pleasure coming after this.

Then, here it goes, the first thrust. Painful as it is, but I try to keep that inside. Unfortunately, he sees my teary eyes and kiss my eyelids tenderly. "Sorry..." He whispers and slowing down, "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm alright," I hug him and he continues his pace. After years of separation, I don't want to ruined this moment, especially after those nights when I desperately longing for him, but I just can't met or see him.

His steady rythm soon makes me feel the ecstasy. He release my hug, straighten his back and put my legs on his shoulder as he increase his speed. Oh my God. I can't even tell if I'm shouting or moaning or anything, in fact, this intense pleasure that he gives me just making me lose my mind. Added his breath on my face and our tongue play, I definitely going crazy with desire.

"Jun...."

"Hold on baby," his finger touches my lips while his other hand still holding my waist. He moves his finger down from my lips to my neck, my chest, my torso, and keep going down.

I almost can't hold it anymore when he's speeding up. The sound of our skin slapping also his hand stroking my member is really making me feels on the edge right now.

"Let's come..." He says. I can't even reply his words. Soon after that, I feel this liquid heat inside of me. He decreased his speed and help me release mine on his hand. I move myself a little bit, so he can have a space to lay beside me. Slowly, he released himself from me and both of us are trying to regain our breath.

I turn my head to take a look at him. He's still as amazing as before.

"So, feel better now?" He asks.

"Yeah, of course.... It's so fucking amazing.." And I really mean it. Though I can't ignore the pain and the burning sensation on my insides but of course, that is nothing compared to the ecstasy that he gave me.

He kiss my lips again and caressed my hair. I know, it's time to go back to reality. He just cheated on his wife and I cheated my gf. That, plus having sex in my living room is a kind of daring, 'cause she could come and found us here. Oh well, whatever. It already happened. The touch of his hand on my hair starts to making me feel sleepy. I close my eyes and drifted to my dream world.  

***

After that night, Jun and I are getting back to our usual self, just like when he's still not married. Sometimes I even forgot about his wife until she calls him on the phone. That time, I happened to be the one who noticed there's an incoming call from her because he makes his phone in silent mode. Of course, I feel jealous for a moment. I could just ignore it and pretend that I'm not seeing it. But I just can't do that.

As he talks with his wife, I take a look around. Sugizo seems to do a skype with Luna, Ryuichi is also talking to his wife on the phone, and Shinya take his daughter and wife here. Only me who doesn't bring or talk to my loved ones. The reason is obvious. We had another argument, thus making her taking a decision to stay away from me for a while. I already ask her to just join us here, but she refuse and choose to go to the US, spending her vacation with all her foreign friends.

"Okay, so for the next radio show in Niigata, J and Inoran will be the guest," our manager stated when we finally finished what we are doing and start the meeting.  

I stare at Jun, he stares back at me for a second and agreed to go earlier to Niigata with me for this radio show.

For me, it's another chance to finally spend my time together with him, and that making me feels excited.

***

Sometimes, living my life like this felt so exhausting. Full of busy work schedule. Rehearsal, lives, radio show, tv show, working on new songs, etc. But of course, I have no reason for complaining because this is my path of life that I've already chose 25 years ago.

We already finished our radio show in Niigata, and now is our rest time in the hotel. Jun already came to my room, saying that he wants to discuss about a few things for our 2 days live here.

I sit on the hotel bed, looking at my laptop. Koji told me to see him, Kenji and his other friends covering our songs. I smiles. They are really talented and makes me feels proud as their older brother.

Jun's arms wraps my body from behind. "What are you looking at?"

"Oh, here's Koji-kun and Kenji-kun band, they regularly covered our songs at Lunatic Machida event," I explains.

Jun puts his head on my shoulder, looking at my laptop, with his arms still wrapping my body.

"They're good."

"Of course. Who do you think they are? They are my lovely and talented little brothers."

"I know," Jun laugh. "But for now, I need their older brother to satisfy me."

I laugh. I know his intention already. Otherwise, he wouldn't come here.

"Satisfying you with what?"

"You know......"

"Go ask your wife for that," yeah, sometimes I can be so mean, even to him, though I might regret that later.

"No."

"Why? Had a fight again?" I continue my works with my laptop, pretending like I'm ignoring him. I just want to tease him now.

"Something like that," he kiss my shoulder. I tried to not react to his kiss and that finally making him wondered about what happens to me. Hahaha, now I really got you into my game, Jun.

"Do you have a fight again too?"

"She's on vacation now, to the US." I explains. But what comes next from his mouth really unexpected.

"I think you should consider about your relationship too, if she always left you like that." He stops for a while before added, "I wonder why you can have her as your gf."

"To be honest, at that time, I thought I need someone who can made me forget about you, since you already have your wife. Though it's useless now, 'cause we are back together like before." I explain that to him. He doesn't say a word.

I turn off my laptop and holding his hand, "I told you before, you're the only one that can make me feel so happy." You're the cure for my negative thoughts. You're the cure for my boredom. You're my savior when I feel down. You always be my helper, since our school days till now.

He turns me over, caress my face and kissing my lips passionately, I reply him with sucking his lips, playing with his tongue and nibbling his sexy lips.

He smiles when we finished our sensual kiss. Oh yeah, he win again. I just can't stand anything against him.

He takes off my shirt easily before doing so to himself. Pants and underwear follows after he push me down to bed. He stares at my eyes for a moment, "you know, actually, you're the first person that can makes me crazy about you," he said before kissing my lips. I hug him closely, trying to feel his heartbeat next to mine. "I love you so, Jun," I said that before starting another deep and passionate kiss.

He tease my lips before slowly parting it. "So, can you satisfy me now?" He tease.

I smiles. "Maybe."

***

I don't know for how long I already sleep. But I can hear the sound of a man faintly. The sound becomes clearer gradually, I can now hear the sound of people cheering too. Wait, I'm not in the middle of our lives, right?

I finally open my eyes. I was still in the arms of someone. Someone that I loved with all my heart.

"Morning, baby." He gives me a peck on my lips before staring back at the tv screen in front of our bed. So he's watching soccer right now. That explains the sound of a man and people cheering that I heard before.

"Morning, Junjun." I rub my eyes and yawn. "Who's match is it?"

"It's world cup. Japan team." Jun puts down his phone. Oh, that reminds me. I should tweet my support too.

"Here," he gives me my iPhone. "Tweet your support too."

I smiles, "you know exactly what I want to do." I receives my iPhone and open the twitter app that I used.

"How about we're making a bet too?"

"A bet? But we're rooting for Japan, right?"

He grins, "not for this match. For another match. Let's place a bet. Just between us."

"What if I lose?"

"It's your own risk."

"Okay," I nod and he just grins. I lean closer to him. Well, no matter what that bet is, the important thing is now he is back with me. And that's the only thing I need.

(THE END)